Blue Ivy Carter. is it just me or does she look a tad indian in the top right photo? either way, she's obviously gonna grow up to be pretty gorgeous if jay z's lips don't take over her face that is. you can already see a hint of it. how adorable is it that beyonce even painted her nails blue to match. beyond adorable.

for those of you who haven't been to my place this is how the front of the house looks. i adore it and it's the part i will never allow anyone to change. also, that was day 9 of my febphotoaday challenge on IG.

my mama thinks i've an issue. actually, she thinks i've a lot of issues and that i'm bonkers. this issue in particular she calls my shopping "addiction". i call it "my mama doesn't want me to own pretty things". maybe it's cause my items are arriving around the same time which makes it seem like i'm blowing a lot of money at once. it isn't my fault that packages take eternity to arrive. i believe in making strategic purchases. stuff that will save me a truck load in a long run. like my kitten.



i would be spending a truck load buying books that i have no place to store. no really. i had to give up shelf space to accommodate my queen sized bed and now my books are sitting in the cupboard. and the rest are in boxes under the bed. come to think of it the bed is only useful when people sleep over. i sleep in the middle of my bed which effectively makes it the same as sleeping on a single bed. ridiculous. but ridiculously comfy.

then i had to buy clothes, cause i can't prance around naked no matter how convenient it would be, and iPhone covers. well, i need to protect my investment but more so cause simple iPhone covers cost way too much here and have horrible quality. these babies cost about the same, are gorgeous and have the best quality. essentially, saving money.



oh oh! the owl is actually a bunch of measuring cups and then measuring spoons. it cost me like $35 here. i had my eyes set on the Matryoshkas ones from modcloth but the shipping doesn't seem worth it. so i saved $30 there. now that i'm about to end this post i'm starting to think it's completely useless. so i shall end off with a shot of one of the hilarious paragraphs i read from Chelsea Handler's book "Are You There, Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea". M18 kids. M18.

i would like to believe that the people who read my blog are technologically savvy or at least up to date with most events that goes on. not politically but entertainment wise. if i'm right then this post is completely useless to you. if i'm not then lucky you! here are two videos that i would like to share with you gorgeous human beings including you snappy ass bitches that read my blog.

first we have madonna's performance at the superbowl. you people know what the superbowl is right? i'm doubtful cause it isn't such a big deal here. every year they have some artist perform during the half time and it's pretty fab. this year was madonna. i was pretty surprised cause she's like what? 200? in entertainment years that is. i'm even more surprised that she's still alive and didn't break anything while thrusting on the stage. anyhoo, i gotta give the lady props. at her age it must not be easy to have a body like that or dance like that. it does help that she has tons of money to spend on making her face look young and not like a bulldog. i will not give her props for doing a horrible job at covering up that she fell off the stage steps. the woman has been performing for ages and that's the best she can do? really now. nicki and M.I.A looked gorgeous as per usual. especially nicki. that body is divine. and now that i have rambled you can enjoy the video. for extra entertainment put it on mute and watch her. she looks like a lunatic. a hilarious one.




next is this adorable kristen bell video. i already adored her to bits but this video really amps it up and makes me wanna squish her. i would obviously be pounced on by her bodyguards if i ever attempted that but you know what i mean. enjoy the hilarious video. that is all for today.

each time when i meet the boys for our monthly catchup session we make it a point to visit a new place. be it a bar or cafe. our choice this month was


'delicious' only opened recently in singapore but has been increasing in popularity in malaysia with 6 outlets in KL alone. the overall visual concept was pretty well thought out

with a balance of rustic

am i allowed to say happy 2012 even though a month has passed since we welcomed the new year? updates on my social sites have been lacking largely cause i've lost the interest to note every detail of my life as soon as it happens. i'm happier just indulging in the moment. indulging seems to last longer than normal since not a lot has been going on in the past month. things have somehow tamed down and i don't have an issue with that. i made school decisions, spent time with people i really care about, realized some friendships are purely superficial and settled into a comfortable happy state of singledom.

did i mention that i've also been writing? it's pretty dark compared to the usual fluffy romantic stuff i write. stuff that most people would be rather uncomfortable reading. maybe i'll share sometime soon. not a huge fan of sharing before everything feels right.

saying i've a good feeling about the whole year might be rather far fetched so i shall just say that i've got a really good feeling about the next month. there seems to be a lot of personal growth and reflection on my part. how boring of me right?

the guy has to be justin timberlake or cam gigandet. or ryan gosling.

ask/tell me anything (=

hahahaha. is this a serious question? oh well. most ladies, myself included, know they aren't gonna eat us alive but it's a fear like any other. they're common but so are lizards and high buildings yet there are people who are afraid of both things. we all have our fears. some of us just deal with it by running away screaming. next time you decide to question me on my fears ask everyone else the reasoning behind theirs won't you? thanks.

ask/tell me anything (=

i've come a far way from the lonely days filled with regrets and painful memories. it was a time where i thought there wouldn't be a night that i didn't cry myself to sleep. slowly but surely things got better. i went from feeling better two days in a row to a week and landing up here. i'm happier than i have been in ages. i'm carefree and glowing. my smile is warm instead of fake. my facade is non existent. i won't lie that there haven't been difficult days. those days when i don't want to get out of bed. i'm just glad it hasn't been bad enough for me to have a body numbing tear fest. that my desire to throw myself against something and push my body until it turns against itself is no more. i'm glad that i've reached a mid point instead of constantly having the desire not to have nights alone and then making decisions that i know someday i might regret.

my middle point is this. i'm happy as i am. i enjoy my crazy nights out that leave me with no regrets apart from perhaps my choice in outfit. i lock lips with who i want. i commit when i feel like it. i don't second guess myself and feel like i'm not good enough. i am. i'm more than good enough for someone and so what if i don't meet him anytime soon. i'm independent and refuse to settle for less than i deserve whether it's love or work. i crave for a warm body to wrap myself around but i don't let that craving take over and drag me into the darkness. i forgive myself for the mistakes and bad decisions that i've made. i let myself miss the bestfriend part of my last relationship but not the love part as i remember everything i deserve. i look forward to better days be it with someone who loves me for all i am or not.

moving on with a whole new outlook and glad i'm going to be far from my past. with this i bid you farewell and goodnight.

despite believe in pampering myself on a regular basis i have never been to an actual massage place. only nice massages from ex bfs. PG stuff. i don't even know why i haven't been before but when i was looking through deals online and saw a $88 massage that was originally $316 at spa republic i quickly snagged it up. after not having much time to myself i finally made time the past weekend. it took me awhile to actually find the spa in the first place because RWS is beyond complicated. to me anyways. i'm glad i found it faster than my dad though. it took him 30 mins when he went. it took me 15. i am a champ! back to the point. i expected a really teeny room with a rude masseuse because i don't have much faith in singapore's service industry.

to my surprise, the room was much bigger and the lady was super nice.


i had a bit of an issue getting completely naked apart from the panties they gave because well, it was just awkward for me. i guess my main issue was cause i didn't want her asking about my piercings, scars or tattoo. i'm not big on explaining things to people i'm not close to. luckily for me she was nice enough to let me hang my essentials near enough so that i could cover up when needed. it was a tad amusing looking at it though. i'm easily amused. shut it.


i first had a scrub and then had to sit through a 20 mins steam bath before i got my massage. i have such issues sitting still. even in the steam bath. horrible i know. below you will see my prison for 20 mins. that teeny tiny area.


i was shivering when i got out so she turned the heat on for the massage bed. i could have just kissed her then. the one thing i hate is having to deal with the cold when i'm getting a facial or a wax. heated beds are just heavenly. seeing that the masseuse is rather tiny and much older i didn't expect that much strength from her. she sure did a good job though. all the tension and exhaustion i've been feeling just vanished and i left there a happy bunny. definitely can't wait to go for my next massage. something more within my price range of course. hopefully next time i'll be able to take a nice soak. it was killer being in a room with a huge sexy jacuzzi but not being able to unwind in it. next time my sweet. next time.

monday was IJC's post prom at phuture and you bet your ass i was there.


it was just as fun as i thought it would be. decided to head down to the hotel where prom was being held to meet the girls. i got to see and hug so many people that i've been missing. damn does it feel good to know that there are people who'll still squeal when they see me despite the decisions of the past few months. after all the hugs and catching up those who were heading to post prom hopped into the bus that was hired and headed to phuture.


we reached just as another bus pulled up and a whole bunch of sexy boys appeared from the bus before abhi mentioned that we were with SAJC for the night. hell yes! apart from the insane amount of sexy there we had 1 for 1 drinks. i got to enjoy as many jager shots as i could afford. whoopdeedoo. after a night of dancing, drinks and being sexy the night came to the end just when i set my eyes and lips on someone. it would be nice to see him again but since that's highly unlikely i shall just indulge in the fact that i got to lock lips with someone who represented singapore in weight lifting. i would have never figured that since his body was just right and not scary strong. but hey, not even complaining.

i had a great time there and the half a day after while the girls were over. absolutely love that a couple of weeks away from 2012 and i'm still having a blast. so not how i expected my december 2011 to be but it's a good surprise. i shall leave with a shot of my sexy lips and me when i'm exhausted. balancing blah with sexy.

in the time that i've been separated from my ex i've gotten to know quite a number of guys. dates in order to get over him and then dates as i set back into the normality of being single and emotionally available. through all that dates i met some really fucked up guys. no. really. some that just left me so puzzled that i was left questioning if a honest relationship is ever possible. i had guys who gave me bullshit like bad sex = non-consensual sex or that he's gods gift to women and why please one when he can please so many. i'm not rephrasing here. just extracts from the conversations. it was a whole lot of crazy. the funny thing is the guys who said such things have been in happy relationships before. the gods gift to women one is currently in a relationship and i wonder how long it's gonna take her to find out commitment isn't something that goes well with him. whatever it is i'm beyond frustrated that i can't seem to find one guy that i want who wants to be with me yet these crazy ass people can get relationships so easily. i mean seriously? i really need to pick up some tips from these people cause i'm not a big fan of singledom. i want a shot at happiness too. damn.

it's been ages since i've blogged here. i would apologize but i don't feel the need to. it's good. now i can at least blog freely without worrying if people are checking in. a lot has changed since i last blogged. i'm starting to second guess the decisions i've made in the past month and it's so unlike me. i guess once everything starts falling in place the second guessing will stop and i'll start to feel happier for longer periods of time. when things fail consecutively it just makes you doubt everything.

i find myself in a funk just like i was in this time last year but i'm glad it's not for the same reasons and neither is it as bad. the year is almost coming to an end and it seems like this year has been filled with men returning into my life to fix what went wrong. in some cases it was successful in others it wasn't. my ex came back and left. i felt sad for awhile and i tried to fix it. then i realized that some people will never change and till they do i rather not have them in my life which is why it doesn't bother me as much as it did last year. two people i stopped talking to came back a year later and admitted where they went wrong. i'm glad for those two people cause honestly, ugly endings aren't really my thing. and it is quite amusing to see it always takes men a year or more to admit their mistakes.

the regrets have resulted in me thinking and analyzing way more often than i usually do. i've come to a couple of conclusions.

1. i can never succeed in something when my heart's not in it. never.
   


2. i always go for mummy's boys. the kind who will drop everything and run the moment it concerns their families. which is so like my dad and so not what i want for myself. i need a guy to have filial piety but not one who will leave me stranded. family is important but so is balance.
   


3. i don't know how successful i will be in the future and how things in my life will go but the one thing i know is i'll be a great parent and wife and i'm going to work hard towards achieving a life that will enable me to be that.
   


4. i have changed a lot in the past year and anyone who wants to come back into my life should attempt to know the present me not to expect to pick up where things left off.

i'm focusing on the positives and letting go of the negatives and the anger. there is so much more to life and i've realized that. i'm thankful for so much. supportive friends, patient parents and simply being alive. yes, i said being alive. sometimes you really have to be thankful that you get to spend more time on earth while other lose their life when they least expect it.

for christmas this year i want bras from agent provocateur. pretty please? i don't need all 4 of my choices. just one. so in case there's a santa claus out there can i pretty please have renee, lorna, maddy and love demi bra. preeeeeety please? *pouts*

but for real guys, i cannot wait to have a job so i can treat myself to pretty things like that or christian louboutin heels. granted it would take a year of careful saving to afford a pair of christian louboutin heels but i see it as an investment. rather one pair that lasts you a year than 20 cheaper pairs in a year. see. now you see materialistic me. whatevs. we all have our desires.

you are you
and i am me
not an us
and not a we

maybe once we might have been
but all that was lost in misery

i fight to lose yet fight again
the endless cycle must come to end

the tears i shed are all but dry
the memories we must burn and let die

the love we had is all but lost
we shall recycle and pass it on

i bid farewell
though regrettably
for what we had
meant the world to me

Labels: let me amuse you

today has been tough for me. i needed to do well for my econs paper to get to j2 and i completely screwed it. i put way too much pressure on myself and blanked. i blanked on one question, panicked and the rest of the paper was screwed. i'm upset with myself cause there goes all chances of getting to j2 but i'm still gonna pull through and finish my remaining 3 papers. granted it's with much less motivation than before but i'm still gonna get through it. i haven't been feeling any better since i got home after the paper so at least this video put a smile on my face for a tad. it's good and cute. so enjoy cause a lot of people seem to have had a shitty Tuesday as well.

oops. i kinda completely forgot about this blog. been rather busy, not studying like i should be, but wasting time hanging out with people who warm my heart and sleeping.

i have no idea how i managed to get up a birthday list a month before my actual birthday last year. where did i find the time?! i'm struggling to find things to even add to my birthday list this time. most of the things are so, hmms, unafforadable?

it really is more of a wishlist that i hopefully will start cancelling off with time. i shall just share and pray that you people send me good vibes so i can at least get one item out of the whole list for my birthday. in all likely hood i think my parents will get me number 5. lets see if they're as predictable as i think. good vibes everyone. please and thank you in advance.

1. ipod dock
2. macbook pro
3. Canon DLSR EOS 600D
4. steampunk necklace 1 or 2
5. kate spade bb pouch in pink
6. charmaine olivia print 1 or 2
7. Samsung PL120 in violet/pink
8. mary poppins dvd anniversary addition
9. kate spade cobbie hill leslie in storm/black
10. kate spade tudor city stacy in ringwald pink
11. Charlie and the chocolate factory (the classic) dvd anniversary addition
12. Wayfare Wedges size 36(black/tan) OR Walshville Wedges size 36(orange)

for the past few years i've had this ritual (of sorts) of doing something for myself. something that makes me happy and leaves me with memories even when i look back. last year it took me almost a month after my birthday to think of what i wanted and get it done. i think i may possibly have an idea but i have to explore it. i'm actually more excited about my ritual of sorts than i am about tangible gifts from people. does that make me lame?

how many times have you heard someone say that change is the only constant. we all know that as time passes we lose people and things change. it's the cycle of life. things break down for better things to take place. i'm a strong believer in that. maybe that's why it always amazes me when things can fall right back into place after so much time has passed. i'm never good at rekindling old friendships/relationships. to me it's always awkward and never feels the same. to me it can never be better than what it originally was. worse maybe but never better. i guess my belief on this matter stems from never being proven wrong.

this year, i've been proven wrong on this matter. twice. first was a friendship and now this. my most recent ex. this wasn't my longest relationship but it meant more to me than any relationship ever had. if you've been reading my blog long enough or if you've known me long enough you would know who and what i'm talking about. most recently i've been wondering if it was even a good idea to start talking to him again. not cause things are awkward. not cause we hate each an other. on the contrary. it's cause everything just fell back into place. chatting for hours not realizing the time's passing. laughing and having a good time. enjoying each an others company. everything. it feels the same to me.

i've somehow managed to let my emotions take over. i want so badly to tell him how i feel but it's not a good idea. no matter how good things are now i don't know if he wants the same thing i do. i honestly don't think he does. there's this thing very few people know about me. it isn't all that difficult for me to attract a guy cause i've wit and a generally attractive personality. not to mention an adorable face and curvy body to boot. HOWEVER, guys don't come to me when they want commitment. i'm always something to pass their time. someone to entertain them. i've never been the one a guy wants to fight life's battles with. this is what makes me think that my ex will never want the same thing i want.

you know what i want? him. a second shot. cause i've a good feeling about things this time round. i want to punch him in the face whenever he says that i've always been too good for him cause in actual fact that isn't true. i'm just as flawed. only in different ways. i wish he could see that. see that we fit just right. i wish i was willing to risk it all and tell him that.

i'm also blogging about it cause i know he can't remember my blog address. never thought i'd be thankful for his horrible memory.

sometimes people disappoint me when i least expect them to.

there aren't a lot of people in my life that i trust wholeheartedly and open up to. i've learnt not to trust so when i do you know it's a big deal to me. to me friends should have your back even when they don't approve. of course they're allowed to tell you that they don't approve and whatnot but they shouldn't force their opinion on you or expect you to follow. respect their decision and stand by them. don't constantly shove your opinion on the particular situation down their throat.

i'm tired of fighting back. i'm tired of trying to plead my case when it's what i want. yes, of course i know there's a huge chance that i'm gonna fall and get hurt but i'm not gonna live my life without taking risks and regret it years down. i needed you to be there and soothe my worries. not to amplify them and tell me i'm making a huge mistake.

i'm honestly quite done with you always fighting me on every decision i take. what happened to you being there and having my back. how many times have i supported you even when i didn't approve. if you can't do the same for me then i don't know what to say anymore.

this is the first time in a long time that i've cried. you insisted that i would end up getting hurt even with him as a friend. you were right. but i'm not hurting cause of him. i'm hurting cause of you. cause i know no matter how much i tell myself that it doesn't matter if you're there to have my back or not, especially when it comes to this, i'm just lying to myself.

it matters a lot to me and that should have mattered to you.