underneath it a|| *

2012-02-12T05:15:00.002+08:00

Blue Ivy Carter. is it just me or does she look a tad indian in the top right photo? either way, she's obviously gonna grow up to be pretty gorgeous if jay z's lips don't take over her face that is. you can already see a hint of it. how adorable is it that beyonce even painted her nails blue to match. beyond adorable.

2012-02-11T04:20:00.001+08:00

for those of you who haven't been to my place this is how the front of the house looks. i adore it and it's the part i will never allow anyone to change. also, that was day 9 of my febphotoaday challenge on IG.

2012-02-09T02:00:00.000+08:00

my mama thinks i've an issue. actually, she thinks i've a lot of issues and that i'm bonkers. this issue in particular she calls my shopping "addiction". i call it "my mama doesn't want me to own pretty things". maybe it's cause my items are arriving around the same time which makes it seem like i'm blowing a lot of money at once. it isn't my fault that packages take eternity to arrive. i believe in making strategic purchases. stuff that will save me a truck load in a long run. like my kitten.

i would be spending a truck load buying books that i have no place to store. no really. i had to give up shelf space to accommodate my queen sized bed and now my books are sitting in the cupboard. and the rest are in boxes under the bed. come to think of it the bed is only useful when people sleep over. i sleep in the middle of my bed which effectively makes it the same as sleeping on a single bed. ridiculous. but ridiculously comfy.

then i had to buy clothes, cause i can't prance around naked no matter how convenient it would be, and iPhone covers. well, i need to protect my investment but more so cause simple iPhone covers cost way too much here and have horrible quality. these babies cost about the same, are gorgeous and have the best quality. essentially, saving money.

oh oh! the owl is actually a bunch of measuring cups and then measuring spoons. it cost me like $35 here. i had my eyes set on the Matryoshkas ones from modcloth but the shipping doesn't seem worth it. so i saved $30 there. now that i'm about to end this post i'm starting to think it's completely useless. so i shall end off with a shot of one of the hilarious paragraphs i read from Chelsea Handler's book "Are You There, Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea". M18 kids. M18.

2012-02-08T04:17:00.005+08:00

i would like to believe that the people who read my blog are technologically savvy or at least up to date with most events that goes on. not politically but entertainment wise. if i'm right then this post is completely useless to you. if i'm not then lucky you! here are two videos that i would like to share with you gorgeous human beings including you snappy ass bitches that read my blog.

first we have madonna's performance at the superbowl. you people know what the superbowl is right? i'm doubtful cause it isn't such a big deal here. every year they have some artist perform during the half time and it's pretty fab. this year was madonna. i was pretty surprised cause she's like what? 200? in entertainment years that is. i'm even more surprised that she's still alive and didn't break anything while thrusting on the stage. anyhoo, i gotta give the lady props. at her age it must not be easy to have a body like that or dance like that. it does help that she has tons of money to spend on making her face look young and not like a bulldog. i will not give her props for doing a horrible job at covering up that she fell off the stage steps. the woman has been performing for ages and that's the best she can do? really now. nicki and M.I.A looked gorgeous as per usual. especially nicki. that body is divine. and now that i have rambled you can enjoy the video. for extra entertainment put it on mute and watch her. she looks like a lunatic. a hilarious one.

next is this adorable kristen bell video. i already adored her to bits but this video really amps it up and makes me wanna squish her. i would obviously be pounced on by her bodyguards if i ever attempted that but you know what i mean. enjoy the hilarious video. that is all for today.

2012-02-04T07:30:00.002+08:00

each time when i meet the boys for our monthly catchup session we make it a point to visit a new place. be it a bar or cafe. our choice this month was

'delicious' only opened recently in singapore but has been increasing in popularity in malaysia with 6 outlets in KL alone. the overall visual concept was pretty well thought out

with a balance of rustic

and modern casual

the interior would have been better off with more than the pops of colour in the form of the chairs but now to more important things. the food of course!

this was a classic case of not judging your food by the way it looks. there was something wrong with all the dishes and it wasn't cause we were being picky. both pastas had this tangy sour taste to it. it wouldn't have been such an issue if it wasn't overpowering but unfortunately it was. if you had given it to me while i was blindfolded i would have punched you thinking that you gave me old and spoiled food. as for the beef short ribs (bottom right) and pesto chicken (bottom left) the main issue was the sauce. it completely overpowered the meat. even though i had a supremely hard time finding the meat under all that sauce i will give them props for the tenderness of the beef and the super large portion.

i had such an issue with the menu and the atmosphere though. both equally confused. let me explain to you how confusing. lets say you have a friend who has issues coming out of the closet but finally has the balls to. after coming out for a tad the friend decides to head back into the closet. and he/she does this repeatedly. will that not make you go wtf and want to hit your friend? see. this was me when it comes to the atmosphere with the switch back and forth from modern english music to traditional chinese music having me wondering if i was sitting in town or chinatown. then the menu which was largely western with a few malay dishes thrown in the mix.

all in all, definitely not planning on heading back there unless they fire the chef who is obviously cooking drunk or just has the worst taste buds. when you decide to name a restaurant 'delicious' you have to be prepared to deliver high standards and be prepared for lesser customers when you fail to deliver.

2012-02-03T04:27:00.002+08:00

words i choose to live by.

2012-01-31T03:15:00.003+08:00

am i allowed to say happy 2012 even though a month has passed since we welcomed the new year? updates on my social sites have been lacking largely cause i've lost the interest to note every detail of my life as soon as it happens. i'm happier just indulging in the moment. indulging seems to last longer than normal since not a lot has been going on in the past month. things have somehow tamed down and i don't have an issue with that. i made school decisions, spent time with people i really care about, realized some friendships are purely superficial and settled into a comfortable happy state of singledom.

did i mention that i've also been writing? it's pretty dark compared to the usual fluffy romantic stuff i write. stuff that most people would be rather uncomfortable reading. maybe i'll share sometime soon. not a huge fan of sharing before everything feels right.

saying i've a good feeling about the whole year might be rather far fetched so i shall just say that i've got a really good feeling about the next month. there seems to be a lot of personal growth and reflection on my part. how boring of me right?

What will it take for you to end up having sex with a guy you met recently?

2012-01-30T15:35:00.001+08:00

the guy has to be justin timberlake or cam gigandet. or ryan gosling.

ask/tell me anything (=

Why do so many girls (you included) see roaches as some form of malicious demons out to eat you alive, rather than as the common household insects they are?

2012-01-03T07:47:00.001+08:00

hahahaha. is this a serious question? oh well. most ladies, myself included, know they aren't gonna eat us alive but it's a fear like any other. they're common but so are lizards and high buildings yet there are people who are afraid of both things. we all have our fears. some of us just deal with it by running away screaming. next time you decide to question me on my fears ask everyone else the reasoning behind theirs won't you? thanks.

ask/tell me anything (=

2011-12-19T05:59:00.004+08:00

i've come a far way from the lonely days filled with regrets and painful memories. it was a time where i thought there wouldn't be a night that i didn't cry myself to sleep. slowly but surely things got better. i went from feeling better two days in a row to a week and landing up here. i'm happier than i have been in ages. i'm carefree and glowing. my smile is warm instead of fake. my facade is non existent. i won't lie that there haven't been difficult days. those days when i don't want to get out of bed. i'm just glad it hasn't been bad enough for me to have a body numbing tear fest. that my desire to throw myself against something and push my body until it turns against itself is no more. i'm glad that i've reached a mid point instead of constantly having the desire not to have nights alone and then making decisions that i know someday i might regret.

my middle point is this. i'm happy as i am. i enjoy my crazy nights out that leave me with no regrets apart from perhaps my choice in outfit. i lock lips with who i want. i commit when i feel like it. i don't second guess myself and feel like i'm not good enough. i am. i'm more than good enough for someone and so what if i don't meet him anytime soon. i'm independent and refuse to settle for less than i deserve whether it's love or work. i crave for a warm body to wrap myself around but i don't let that craving take over and drag me into the darkness. i forgive myself for the mistakes and bad decisions that i've made. i let myself miss the bestfriend part of my last relationship but not the love part as i remember everything i deserve. i look forward to better days be it with someone who loves me for all i am or not.

moving on with a whole new outlook and glad i'm going to be far from my past. with this i bid you farewell and goodnight.

2011-12-12T05:59:00.001+08:00

despite believe in pampering myself on a regular basis i have never been to an actual massage place. only nice massages from ex bfs. PG stuff. i don't even know why i haven't been before but when i was looking through deals online and saw a $88 massage that was originally $316 at spa republic i quickly snagged it up. after not having much time to myself i finally made time the past weekend. it took me awhile to actually find the spa in the first place because RWS is beyond complicated. to me anyways. i'm glad i found it faster than my dad though. it took him 30 mins when he went. it took me 15. i am a champ! back to the point. i expected a really teeny room with a rude masseuse because i don't have much faith in singapore's service industry.

to my surprise, the room was much bigger and the lady was super nice.

i had a bit of an issue getting completely naked apart from the panties they gave because well, it was just awkward for me. i guess my main issue was cause i didn't want her asking about my piercings, scars or tattoo. i'm not big on explaining things to people i'm not close to. luckily for me she was nice enough to let me hang my essentials near enough so that i could cover up when needed. it was a tad amusing looking at it though. i'm easily amused. shut it.

i first had a scrub and then had to sit through a 20 mins steam bath before i got my massage. i have such issues sitting still. even in the steam bath. horrible i know. below you will see my prison for 20 mins. that teeny tiny area.

i was shivering when i got out so she turned the heat on for the massage bed. i could have just kissed her then. the one thing i hate is having to deal with the cold when i'm getting a facial or a wax. heated beds are just heavenly. seeing that the masseuse is rather tiny and much older i didn't expect that much strength from her. she sure did a good job though. all the tension and exhaustion i've been feeling just vanished and i left there a happy bunny. definitely can't wait to go for my next massage. something more within my price range of course. hopefully next time i'll be able to take a nice soak. it was killer being in a room with a huge sexy jacuzzi but not being able to unwind in it. next time my sweet. next time.

2011-12-07T05:34:00.000+08:00

monday was IJC's post prom at phuture and you bet your ass i was there.

it was just as fun as i thought it would be. decided to head down to the hotel where prom was being held to meet the girls. i got to see and hug so many people that i've been missing. damn does it feel good to know that there are people who'll still squeal when they see me despite the decisions of the past few months. after all the hugs and catching up those who were heading to post prom hopped into the bus that was hired and headed to phuture.

we reached just as another bus pulled up and a whole bunch of sexy boys appeared from the bus before abhi mentioned that we were with SAJC for the night. hell yes! apart from the insane amount of sexy there we had 1 for 1 drinks. i got to enjoy as many jager shots as i could afford. whoopdeedoo. after a night of dancing, drinks and being sexy the night came to the end just when i set my eyes and lips on someone. it would be nice to see him again but since that's highly unlikely i shall just indulge in the fact that i got to lock lips with someone who represented singapore in weight lifting. i would have never figured that since his body was just right and not scary strong. but hey, not even complaining.

i had a great time there and the half a day after while the girls were over. absolutely love that a couple of weeks away from 2012 and i'm still having a blast. so not how i expected my december 2011 to be but it's a good surprise. i shall leave with a shot of my sexy lips and me when i'm exhausted. balancing blah with sexy.

2011-11-22T06:16:00.002+08:00

in the time that i've been separated from my ex i've gotten to know quite a number of guys. dates in order to get over him and then dates as i set back into the normality of being single and emotionally available. through all that dates i met some really fucked up guys. no. really. some that just left me so puzzled that i was left questioning if a honest relationship is ever possible. i had guys who gave me bullshit like bad sex = non-consensual sex or that he's gods gift to women and why please one when he can please so many. i'm not rephrasing here. just extracts from the conversations. it was a whole lot of crazy. the funny thing is the guys who said such things have been in happy relationships before. the gods gift to women one is currently in a relationship and i wonder how long it's gonna take her to find out commitment isn't something that goes well with him. whatever it is i'm beyond frustrated that i can't seem to find one guy that i want who wants to be with me yet these crazy ass people can get relationships so easily. i mean seriously? i really need to pick up some tips from these people cause i'm not a big fan of singledom. i want a shot at happiness too. damn.

2011-11-17T19:32:00.002+08:00

it's been ages since i've blogged here. i would apologize but i don't feel the need to. it's good. now i can at least blog freely without worrying if people are checking in. a lot has changed since i last blogged. i'm starting to second guess the decisions i've made in the past month and it's so unlike me. i guess once everything starts falling in place the second guessing will stop and i'll start to feel happier for longer periods of time. when things fail consecutively it just makes you doubt everything.

i find myself in a funk just like i was in this time last year but i'm glad it's not for the same reasons and neither is it as bad. the year is almost coming to an end and it seems like this year has been filled with men returning into my life to fix what went wrong. in some cases it was successful in others it wasn't. my ex came back and left. i felt sad for awhile and i tried to fix it. then i realized that some people will never change and till they do i rather not have them in my life which is why it doesn't bother me as much as it did last year. two people i stopped talking to came back a year later and admitted where they went wrong. i'm glad for those two people cause honestly, ugly endings aren't really my thing. and it is quite amusing to see it always takes men a year or more to admit their mistakes.

the regrets have resulted in me thinking and analyzing way more often than i usually do. i've come to a couple of conclusions.

i can never succeed in something when my heart's not in it. never.

i always go for mummy's boys. the kind who will drop everything and run the moment it concerns their families. which is so like my dad and so not what i want for myself. i need a guy to have filial piety but not one who will leave me stranded. family is important but so is balance.

i don't know how successful i will be in the future and how things in my life will go but the one thing i know is i'll be a great parent and wife and i'm going to work hard towards achieving a life that will enable me to be that.

i have changed a lot in the past year and anyone who wants to come back into my life should attempt to know the present me not to expect to pick up where things left off.

i'm focusing on the positives and letting go of the negatives and the anger. there is so much more to life and i've realized that. i'm thankful for so much. supportive friends, patient parents and simply being alive. yes, i said being alive. sometimes you really have to be thankful that you get to spend more time on earth while other lose their life when they least expect it.

2011-10-19T03:21:00.003+08:00

for christmas this year i want bras from agent provocateur. pretty please? i don't need all 4 of my choices. just one. so in case there's a santa claus out there can i pretty please have renee, lorna, maddy and love demi bra. preeeeeety please? *pouts*

but for real guys, i cannot wait to have a job so i can treat myself to pretty things like that or christian louboutin heels. granted it would take a year of careful saving to afford a pair of christian louboutin heels but i see it as an investment. rather one pair that lasts you a year than 20 cheaper pairs in a year. see. now you see materialistic me. whatevs. we all have our desires.

2011-10-17T05:01:00.002+08:00

you are you
and i am me
not an us
and not a we

maybe once we might have been
but all that was lost in misery

i fight to lose yet fight again
the endless cycle must come to end

the tears i shed are all but dry
the memories we must burn and let die

the love we had is all but lost
we shall recycle and pass it on

i bid farewell
though regrettably
for what we had
meant the world to me

2011-10-04T23:55:00.001+08:00

today has been tough for me. i needed to do well for my econs paper to get to j2 and i completely screwed it. i put way too much pressure on myself and blanked. i blanked on one question, panicked and the rest of the paper was screwed. i'm upset with myself cause there goes all chances of getting to j2 but i'm still gonna pull through and finish my remaining 3 papers. granted it's with much less motivation than before but i'm still gonna get through it. i haven't been feeling any better since i got home after the paper so at least this video put a smile on my face for a tad. it's good and cute. so enjoy cause a lot of people seem to have had a shitty Tuesday as well.

2011-09-22T02:19:00.007+08:00

oops. i kinda completely forgot about this blog. been rather busy, not studying like i should be, but wasting time hanging out with people who warm my heart and sleeping.

i have no idea how i managed to get up a birthday list a month before my actual birthday last year. where did i find the time?! i'm struggling to find things to even add to my birthday list this time. most of the things are so, hmms, unafforadable?

it really is more of a wishlist that i hopefully will start cancelling off with time. i shall just share and pray that you people send me good vibes so i can at least get one item out of the whole list for my birthday. in all likely hood i think my parents will get me number 5. lets see if they're as predictable as i think. good vibes everyone. please and thank you in advance.

1. ipod dock
2. macbook pro
3. Canon DLSR EOS 600D
4. steampunk necklace 1 or 2
5. kate spade bb pouch in pink
6. charmaine olivia print 1 or 2
7. Samsung PL120 in violet/pink
8. mary poppins dvd anniversary addition
9. kate spade cobbie hill leslie in storm/black
10. kate spade tudor city stacy in ringwald pink
11. Charlie and the chocolate factory (the classic) dvd anniversary addition
12. Wayfare Wedges size 36(black/tan) OR Walshville Wedges size 36(orange)

for the past few years i've had this ritual (of sorts) of doing something for myself. something that makes me happy and leaves me with memories even when i look back. last year it took me almost a month after my birthday to think of what i wanted and get it done. i think i may possibly have an idea but i have to explore it. i'm actually more excited about my ritual of sorts than i am about tangible gifts from people. does that make me lame?

2011-09-09T00:34:00.002+08:00

how many times have you heard someone say that change is the only constant. we all know that as time passes we lose people and things change. it's the cycle of life. things break down for better things to take place. i'm a strong believer in that. maybe that's why it always amazes me when things can fall right back into place after so much time has passed. i'm never good at rekindling old friendships/relationships. to me it's always awkward and never feels the same. to me it can never be better than what it originally was. worse maybe but never better. i guess my belief on this matter stems from never being proven wrong.

this year, i've been proven wrong on this matter. twice. first was a friendship and now this. my most recent ex. this wasn't my longest relationship but it meant more to me than any relationship ever had. if you've been reading my blog long enough or if you've known me long enough you would know who and what i'm talking about. most recently i've been wondering if it was even a good idea to start talking to him again. not cause things are awkward. not cause we hate each an other. on the contrary. it's cause everything just fell back into place. chatting for hours not realizing the time's passing. laughing and having a good time. enjoying each an others company. everything. it feels the same to me.

i've somehow managed to let my emotions take over. i want so badly to tell him how i feel but it's not a good idea. no matter how good things are now i don't know if he wants the same thing i do. i honestly don't think he does. there's this thing very few people know about me. it isn't all that difficult for me to attract a guy cause i've wit and a generally attractive personality. not to mention an adorable face and curvy body to boot. HOWEVER, guys don't come to me when they want commitment. i'm always something to pass their time. someone to entertain them. i've never been the one a guy wants to fight life's battles with. this is what makes me think that my ex will never want the same thing i want.

you know what i want? him. a second shot. cause i've a good feeling about things this time round. i want to punch him in the face whenever he says that i've always been too good for him cause in actual fact that isn't true. i'm just as flawed. only in different ways. i wish he could see that. see that we fit just right. i wish i was willing to risk it all and tell him that.

i'm also blogging about it cause i know he can't remember my blog address. never thought i'd be thankful for his horrible memory.

2011-09-06T01:30:00.002+08:00

sometimes people disappoint me when i least expect them to.

there aren't a lot of people in my life that i trust wholeheartedly and open up to. i've learnt not to trust so when i do you know it's a big deal to me. to me friends should have your back even when they don't approve. of course they're allowed to tell you that they don't approve and whatnot but they shouldn't force their opinion on you or expect you to follow. respect their decision and stand by them. don't constantly shove your opinion on the particular situation down their throat.

i'm tired of fighting back. i'm tired of trying to plead my case when it's what i want. yes, of course i know there's a huge chance that i'm gonna fall and get hurt but i'm not gonna live my life without taking risks and regret it years down. i needed you to be there and soothe my worries. not to amplify them and tell me i'm making a huge mistake.

i'm honestly quite done with you always fighting me on every decision i take. what happened to you being there and having my back. how many times have i supported you even when i didn't approve. if you can't do the same for me then i don't know what to say anymore.

this is the first time in a long time that i've cried. you insisted that i would end up getting hurt even with him as a friend. you were right. but i'm not hurting cause of him. i'm hurting cause of you. cause i know no matter how much i tell myself that it doesn't matter if you're there to have my back or not, especially when it comes to this, i'm just lying to myself.

it matters a lot to me and that should have mattered to you.

2011-08-31T01:10:00.002+08:00

i keep typing and backspacing. typing and backspacing. i only ever do this when i have a lot on my mind and can't express myself. i'll bring it down to the basics.

i'm sick. again. sicker than normal. my head is pounding. i feel like i swallowed nails. i'm stressed out of my mind cause i'm worried about the 1 month i have left till exams. the stress is causing me to feel even worse.

i just need to rest now. nanight and enjoy the rest of the week.

2011-08-30T02:36:00.004+08:00

she guards her heart like a lioness does her cub
guards it with strange ferocity
with fear that it'll be irreparably wounded

cautiously she walks around love
avoiding those who can possibly give her all that she wants
instead heading towards those who were never supposed to make her fall in love

alas, life never goes that way we want it to.
fall she does. wounded she gets. lessons she learns.

the further she moves away
the higher the walls around her get
she selectively paves her future
keeping her past out

but what happens when her past seeps back in like a deadly virus in an enclosed room
causing her to doubt the decisions she has made
to hope that things might be working out for her
to live in fear each day
what happens then?

2011-08-27T21:22:00.004+08:00

wonderful. start of the long weekend and i'm sick. my throat feels like i've swallowed nails and i'm in no mood to even say a single thing. i'm so glad the week's done and over with though. however, the amount of homework i have to complete in the next two weeks is beyond ridiculous. one more month. just gotta get through it.

on a brighter note, the shot glass that i wanted to order was restocked today. i've been impatiently waiting for that so i can order more things making the flat international shipping rate worthwhile. i am now the proud owner of 4 kick ass items. i'll only be getting them near my birthday but what a great gift to give myself. yay! below are the items. we have the canon lens mug, lens shot glass and lens bracelets. i have no idea why i ordered the last one when i'm not too sure if i'll use it but hey that isn't too difficult to get rid off. now all i have to do is get convince my parents to get me an actual canon DLSR so i can stop buying things that are related to it. excited excited excited!

2011-08-23T00:50:00.002+08:00

yesterday, my dad made the grand purchase of an oven. one that i can successfully bake things in.

for the past couple of years i've been baking everything with a teeny tiny oven that switches off half way and self adjusts the temperature effectively burning most things that i put in it. baking with that is a complete pain in the ass cause i have to sit there and make sure it stays on. i also have to put in extra batter just so i would actually have a cake after cutting off everything that gets burnt. if i ever wanted to use a proper oven i had to travel 1.5 hours away with all my things to bake at my cousin's house. don't get me wrong. i love spending time with my niece and letting her stir the mixture and lick the spoon after while i'm baking but travelling that far to bake puts a damper on my mood.

i know it seems kinda lame that i'm this happy about an oven but really i get to do something that i love and surprise people easily when i want to. food is just about the only thing i'm good at. so this helps. a lot. my parents have no desire to cook anything but indian food and granted they're good at that. i'm the complete opposite. ask me to cook indian food and i'll be out of the kitchen before you can finish the sentence. one day i wanna learn but just not now. it takes way too long and there are too many things involved. i guess they never thought i'd have an interest in anything that involved an oven in the first place. they thought wrong eh. haha.

it's gonna take a couple of weeks for it to be built in but i can wait. i is excited! this better not be my super advance birthday present though. *suspicious look*

2011-08-21T23:52:00.002+08:00

i'm in a rather good mood now. i don't think there's a particular reason. i just am. i think maybe it's cause i've cleared the assignment i've been worrying about for the past week. might have taken my 4.5 hours but at least i'm done and i'm never gonna see it again.

over the next couple of weeks i'll bring this blog back to the state it was in. i already have a tumblr so starting another just to act as a replacement for this feels odd somehow. there's nothing secret about my tumblr. if you find it good for you but don't give me your opinion on my posts. i didn't ask. i post what i like just like i do here. if it makes you uncomfortable please don't view it. straight forward no?

i'm honestly quite excited for this week to start. so it can end. once it ends i'll be on holiday for 2 weeks minus a few days. it isn't a real holiday since i'm going quite often but at least i won't have to deal with certain teachers that i just want to flush down the toilet. i'm looking forward to sleep and meeting up with people i miss. i will squish them and give them tons of hugs.

might just call it a night. we shall see. enjoy the week everyone! (:

2011-08-20T14:13:00.002+08:00

fuck you and your mood swings.
fuck the way you treat friends.
fuck the 6 weeks i have left till my exams.
fuck my insecurities and over thinking nature.
fuck ignorant racists in a supposedly racially harmonious country.
fuck this exhausting week that has left me wanting to punch someone.
fuck all you bitches who take things for granted and expect everything to go their way.
just fuck off.

i think that's about enough fucks for now. it also summarizes my mood. details when i have the time later on today. and now i'm done. carry on.

2011-08-17T05:30:00.002+08:00

despite how i've been feeling lately, i've had two amazing saturdays. sometimes you just need to be reminded of things.

i like being reminded that i have amazing friends that i love to death despite wanting to kill them sometimes. i've never really trusted females much since my past taught me not too but these few girls are the best. there's no judgement, competition, arguments, etc. we do the 'bitch i will slap you if you …' thing but i need friends like that to remind me not to do something that i will regret with all my heart and soul. there are days that i wake up thinking that i won't be able to make it through without breaking into tears and then i spend time with them and laugh so much that i feel better instantly. i can't put my love for them in words but there's a lot of love there.

i don't like being reminded constantly that i still hate people i'm not close to asking me why i'm single. i mean why not? do i NEED to be attached. no. i've repeated my explanation more than 6 times in the last couple of weeks and i'm about to punch the next person who asks me. i think i need to start giving out FAQs seeing that i've quite a few other repetitive questions being asked lately. people are weird.

i like being reminded of how it's surprising that certain friendships can fall right back into place despite going through hell. when my ex and i broke up i had a HUGE falling out with one of my friends. i blamed him for the relationship failing itself which then made everything that came out of his mouth annoying. i realized quite a long time ago that he wasn’t his fault. he was just a trigger. my relationship was long over by that point. i never told him that. for ages i just walked around with this guilt cause i knew how he was feeling. luckily for us we met again a month ago. after not talking for AGES it was just easy. there’s no more anger and neither are we holding grudges.

i don't think we're ever gonna be close but i know he got my back(i am a rapper now. shut up). he proved it the night we spoke again at the party. it was also the night i was sent into tears for something i didn't expect. i was reminded of the horrible years where bullying sent me straight back into depression. instead of being a jackass when i started crying he brought me out and helped me calm down. he then wiped away the tears and made stupid ass comments to make me laugh before bringing me back into the party. that’s friendship. i'm always gonna have a soft spot for his stupid face and rightly so. he's an amazing guy and friend.

i don't like being reminded of how bad i am with compliments. i still can't just say thanks. even if i do i'm hiding my face or biting my lip. GOD AM I HORRIBLY AWKWARD AND SHY. DIED.

i like feeling good cause everything is so much better. i'm so much better. remembering to feel good more often cause, frankly, i deserve it.

*i originally wasn't planning on publishing here cause it's way more personal than i've been lately and i somehow feel a tad uneasy that people get to read this but what the heck. i'm still keeping the tumblr for questions and reblogs but personal posts and stories go here. this way you guys won't have to read unnecessary shit if you just want to stalk me. i'm back bitches.

2011-08-15T01:18:00.001+08:00

second thoughts about leaving this blog behind. there's just something strange about being on tumblr with a personal blog. i seem to be doing more reblogging than i do personal posts. maybe, just maybe, i'll stick around. we'll see.

2011-08-10T00:00:00.001+08:00

you can't get hurt if you don't trust anyone with your heart. lets hope that ring from 'coquette' won't be occupying my ring finger for many years down the road.

and just my face since i haven't been posting all that lot lately.

2011-08-09T11:24:00.000+08:00

this is as patriotic as i can get ladies and gents. happy national day!

2011-08-06T16:00:00.001+08:00

we have gone through majority of season 8 of SYTYCD without me spamming you guys with videos. main reason being that i've just caught up with like 6 episodes cause i've been way too busy. apart from that there are too many fantastic routines for me to even post. so much talent that i is jealous! it's so much easier to share my favourite guest performances so i shall. the first one (start from 0:14) is just cause i can never get sick of the song. so much fun to watch them live but still think the girl is pretty useless. now, the second one (start from 0:18). that is talent. i initially wanted to fast forward the whole performance cause they song bored me but thank god i didn't. i love the performance way too much. legion of extraordinary dancers indeed. enjoy the videos and your weekend my lovelies!

2011-07-27T00:20:00.000+08:00

i am completely and utterly exhausted and it's only wednesday. the teachers are trying to kill my classmates and i. on top of the mounting amount of homework the school has a pre exam before the exam on selected topics and it's next week. i'm caught in between wanting to study for that and finishing the work that needs to get done. fucking spent eternity writing out the 5 essays for econs and the bitch wants re-drafts done. by this friday. there's no way that's gonna happen. i'll give her two if i have the mood. no point re-drafting essays when i don't have time to study. gosh. irritating.

as it stands now i need to get one developmental paragraph and one template with key points done for lit by tomorrow. by friday i have to finish 5 essays for econs, articles and notes for GP and complete my chem tutorial. lets not forget the tons of maths questions.

i have maths, lit and chemistry tests next week. 4 chapters for maths and 3 memorizing ones for chemistry. in so much trouble. for real. the stress is kicking in and slowing me down. mainly cause i'm worrying too much, like i always do. i don't see how i'm going to get any studying done this weekend. friday will be gone cause my genius school has decided to put sports day starting at 3pm. i can't even run off cause i'm sure they're gonna put the school on lock down again just to keep us from escaping. damn prison break can. then saturday is gonna be spent helping out my cousin with my nephew's birthday. he's turning one and i have to be there. stressed.

however, instead of getting anything done tonight i'm just gonna organize my thoughts, throw nonsense in my lit file and head to bed. i have no brain juice to get anything done today. seriously. nanight everyone.

2011-07-24T18:01:00.002+08:00

abandon this and permanently take my shit over to tumblr? something i might just consider. hmms. yes or no?

2011-07-24T17:22:00.005+08:00

these are the necklaces i want but can't have. i want them so bad i would kiss a lizard for it.

the first one's a vintage US coin and teeny swiss army knife on a necklace. unique as hell and who wouldn't want a functional swiss army knife on their necklace. only thing is, even though they accept international orders, it'll never get through customs. legit annoyed with singapore. why they no let me wear things i like!

the second one i love cause it's a HP symbol. if you read the books or watch the movie you'll know what that is. it's a timeturner. it obviously won't bring me back in time but it'll be pretty as hell on my neck and it's functional meaning i can twirl it when i get bored which frankly happens way too often. they ship internationally but i can't pay from a non US account so what i got to do is ask my friend to pay for me, send it to my address and then send him the money. which is honestly way too troublesome.

these are the shoes i want but can't have. the red one doesn't even come in my size. the other one causes a shit load when it comes to shipping. $60 bucks. it cost more than half of the actual price of the flats. so total including shipping i'll be spending $170. i mean seriously? it's a flat shipping rate but i can't seem to find anything else that interests me enough. i wear one pair for way too long anyway so the cost would be reasonable. let me ponder over it.

this is the only thing i can get. apart from the two agent provocateur items i want that is. this necklace is cute but ain't cute enough for me to deal with the shipping and wait 15 days. i'm impatient. i can flip it around alright but it'll cost me over 100 bucks. i mean really? no. i would pay that price for the necklaces at the start of the post but i'm just not in love with this enough. it's just like how you don't bother dealing with a guy's shit unless you order him or you're stupid but that's a different issue.

agent provocateur i am in love with. i just have to double check about the return policy and they're obviously gonna take ages to reply me. if i'm buying that it's gonna cost me a shit load but gosh is it gorgeous. go check out the website if you want. again, flat rate so if any ladies want to order anything or men want to order anything for their ladies FB me. i'd gladly split the shipping cost with you :p

in conclusion, annabel is a sad girl cause looks like she's gonna get nothing. this is the end of the redundant post. that is all.

2011-07-24T03:55:00.004+08:00

me : you think i should consider it?
her : bitch i will smack you. for real though, if that wasn't clear enough, no.

my friends amuse me. and they always keep it real. no sugar coating or illusions. sometimes i already know the answer to things. i just need people to remind me and keep me in check. ignoring my heart yet again. what good has she done me really.

on a side note i've been shopping online and reading a lot to cure my unhappiness. reading is fine. i always read. but the shopping is like massive shopping and i'm getting pissed at websites that carry what i want but can't ship this far. you're kidding me. and then there are websites who can ship but won't get through the customs here. annoyed. rant rant. 'hottopic' ships internationally but doesn't accept non US paypal. doesn't make much sense to me. how is that international? then we have 'agent provocateur' that ships internationally alright but it costs me 20 USD. which is 40 bucks on top of my orders. then i want shoes but only one ships and their material is plastic. pretty but ouch. feet hurt.

i am whining. you were to skip all that shit above. that is all. carry on.

2011-07-24T03:26:00.002+08:00

Amy Winehouse was found dead in her house on 23rd July at 4pm. another 27 club tragedy. the cause of her death is unknown but i think most people would have figured it out by now. such a pity when talented people make stupid decisions. she didn't even get a chance to pull off the comeback she's been trying for. loved her music. RIP.

2011-07-22T17:02:00.002+08:00

i'm in the mood to share.

over the past week i've been out of sorts and quite upset. i can't focus. i'm temperamental. all because last saturday, i found out that the man i've been getting to know A.K.A dating without commitment is extremely unavailable. not his real age, name or marital status. try 4 years older than what he told me (he's really 29), i got his nick name (dominic = nick) and he's married with 2 kids. how hilarious is this shit? yeah. not at all.

when i first got tons of missed calls 2 hours after he said he was heading to bed i knew something was wrong. i didn't know this would be it though. hearing a lady's voice when i called back just made my heart sink. i got this insanely sick feeling. i was so fucking furious and i still can't link that it's the same man. that he's the man who texted me from the time i was up till i went to bed. the one who cared so much. the one who drove all the way down from hougang just to accompany me to go get a gift for a friend. the one who brought me to places he knew i would love just cause i was in a nasty mood. i feel like throwing up each time i think of the hand holding, the kisses, the hugs. i'm mad cause he gave me hope for a future that i should have never had to begin with.

after the countless textes and missed calls i finally picked up on wednesday. i deserve an explanation from him and i got it. so his side of the story is that they aren't married just supposed to be getting married seeing as they've been together for 3 years. they have no kids and she said that cause she was worried i'd fight for him. he cheated cause he's over and done with the relationship but can't deal with being alone so he wanted to see where things would go with us first. that he'd leave her. i'm not stupid. the only part i believe is that they aren't married cause there's no imprint of the ring and there's no way he would have been able to text/talk to me the hours that he did or in the same frequency if he was married. the rest, i don't know. why lie about your real name if the rest was true?

whatever it is, it doesn't matter. he lied. he cheated. if i believe the rest of the shit and stick with this guy he's gonna pull the same stunt on me in a few years. as much as i miss him i can't bring myself to believe him. right now, i'm not even angry anymore cause i know that he was genuine in the way he treated me. mainly glad i found out now better than years later. it's already hard enough to let go of him now. i know it'll get better each day. he made a stupid mistake and i wish him all the best.

2011-07-18T02:25:00.003+08:00

the past weekend can honestly go fuck itself. upset, hurt, angry, etc. my head and heart both hurt just thinking about it. so i won't. or at least i'm gonna try not to. i love my boys for being there when i got the call. the hug was necessary. more to come tomorrow. i'm lucky in friendship and INCREDIBLY unlucky in love. can't win them all huh. heading to bed with no hopes of a much better week ahead. expect nothing and you can't be disappointed right.

2011-07-16T18:20:00.000+08:00

since i'm about to head out to catch the final part of deathly hallows with the boys i'm gonna do a harry potter questionaire. so excited to see the boys together after so long. haven't seen lesden and his botak head in ages. need this to feel better. enjoy your saturday my loves!

Harry Potter: Tell about a scar on your body.
the most visible scar on my leg is a result of a maid hitting my leg with an umbrella.

Ron Weasley- Something you’re afraid of.
ending up alone years from now.

Hermione Granger- A subject you know a lot about.
betrayal and life.

Draco Malfoy- Closest green item to you.
my bottle.

Severus Snape- Your favorite Alcoholic beverage.
must i pick?

Rubeus Hagrid- Your favorite animal.
anything cute and cuddly. like penguins, koala bears, puppies, guinea pigs, etc. adorable!

Luna Lovegood- Something about you other people find weird.
what do they not find weird would be a better question.

Neville Longbottom- Your favorite flower.
pink lily

Nymphodora Tonks- Something you would change about your appearance.
less meat but still retaining my boobs.

Fred and George Weasley- The last prank you pulled on someone, or someone pulled on you.
when you're an idiot and have friends who are idiots it's hard to remember.

Voldemort- If you were to make a Horcrux, it would be…
i wouldn't make one to begin with. retarded ass idea.

Moaning Myrtle- The last thing to make you cry.
my grades. damn school and the pegasus talk.

Sirius Black- Have you ever taken the blame for something you didn’t do?
yes. sacrificing is essential at times.

Dobby- What is your most loved article of clothing?
my lingerie counts right? :p

Peeves the Poltergeist- What is the best/funniest insult you’ve used/heard?
too many.

Sybill Trelawney- When was the last time you experienced Deja Vu?
last week.

Filius Flitwick- What is your favorite spell from the Harry Potter series?
love them all. apart from the unforgivable curses of course.

Lily Potter- Is there anyone you love so much you would die for?
i don't think i'm gutsy enough to throw myself infront of villian to save someone's life. but my life or someone else's? probably theirs over mine.

Arthur Weasley- What piece of “Muggle” technology fascinates you most?
nothing really.

Mundungus Fletcher- Have you ever stolen anything?
yeaps. haven't we all.

Viktor Krum- If you were a Quidditch player, what position would you play?
chaser. i wanted to say seeker but nah. too quick a reaction time for me.

Fleur Delacour- What physical attribute do you like most about yourself?
my boobs. WHAT! they are nice :p

Hedwig- What was your all-time favorite pet?
my dog. hands down. best most mischevious thing.

Albus Dumbledore: What is your proudest accomplishment?
retaining my faith in humanity, ability to forgive and trust in love despite all the shit i've gone through.

What happened to your secret admirer?

2011-07-16T02:45:00.001+08:00

ehm. idk? secret for a reason. and i doubt it was a real secret admirer to begin with. just a bored person perhaps. you're obviously reading more into it that i am.

ask/tell me anything (=

2011-07-16T02:41:00.001+08:00

GPOY. everyday without fail.

Harry Potter opens today. If you were going to cast a magic spell, what spell would you cast?

2011-07-16T02:33:00.001+08:00

hmms. i think it would be 'obliviate'. on a couple of people. there are some things i rather people not remember.

ask/tell me anything (=

2011-07-16T02:28:00.001+08:00

future men in my life, take note. if you expect me to be fine about your past be fine with mine. that is all.

2011-07-14T05:23:00.002+08:00

since i haven't slept and have 20 mins to kill before getting my ass off this bed to get ready for school i shall rant. i've been extremely patient for almost a month and didn't want to be mean but this is honestly beyond ridiculous.

i absolutely despise people who borrow money and then play the round about game when you want it back. i have never experienced it personally till now. i have pretty decent friends who return money when they say they will except for a few morons like this one for example. without fail each month or at least once every two months i'll get a text from this guy. lets call him D. D as in douche. i'm mad. shut up. usually he doesn't say when he will return it but this time he promised to return it in a couple of days. i have known him since secondary school and he never let up that i couldn't trust him. i wasn't exactly rolling in cash but felt extremely bad (shut up about this. i've got the tsk tsk look enough) so i asked my ma if she could spare a bit for this poor kid. she gave me the most skeptical look and told me he wasn't gonna return the money but she'll transfer it just to prove me wrong. have i told you how much i hate it when my mother is right?

it's been a month. for about 2 weeks i got absolutely no replies from him and then i whined to a friend who we both know. unfortunately for D he choose to ask this friend for cash a day after i bitched to our friend. i got a text from him saying he would transfer it back the next day it. he did a week later and we're at this point. D is now insisting that he transferred the money but can't seem to show me the receipt as proof. i know how much money i have in my account so lying to me makes no sense. still can tell me he hasn't been home in a few days cause of work so can't send me the receipt. yea. my ass. he's on my twitter and fb where he slips and says he's about to head to his bed the day he was texting me. right. your bed got transported to your workplace eh?

come on! how fucking stupid do you think i can get. it stopped being about the money a long time ago. more about the fact that he set out to manipulate and cheat me from the start. this guy is fucking 18 can. if someone is already capable of borrowing from a variety of people and going POOF after at this age i don't even wanna think how bad it's gonna get as he gets older. he isn't even feeling a tinge of guilt or remorse. all this trouble just cause he can't maintain his lifestyle with the money he currently gets.

i'm fucking pissed. never EVER use my trust in you and my nature to trust against me. apart from that lying to me just makes me even angrier. i've waited a month. now, i'm not playing nice anymore. lets see how ugly this can get. you don't manipulate friends. if you can do that i can make this uglier. watch me. good luck bitch.

2011-07-11T23:50:00.002+08:00

the weekend passed way too damn fast. overall, was a brilliant one. friday started off lazy. instead all the original plans PL and i decided to just have high tea. we met at dempsey but realized it was completely full so off to Shangri-La Hotel we went. i honestly suck at buffets. i get full way too quickly. maybe this time it was the pots (1.5) of tea that did me in. too much nice tea. entire thing was pretty nice though. yummy yummy dessert! photos are on my facebook if you wanna look.

after high tea i had to run back to charge my stupid dying BB before heading out again to meet IN. he is honestly the sweetest. i was a complete half an hour late and he wasn't even angry. i had no clue that he had never watched a foreign film before. monkey didn't tell me that when he booked the tickets for the movie i wanted. so we ended up watching 'beautiful lies'. love me my french films. especially when Audrey Tautou is in it. glad that he liked it too if not i would have felt bad. since it was only 11 we decided to get supper (technically dinner since neither of us ate earlier). he drove to this yummy nasi lemak stall along west coast. seriously? nasi lemak at 12mn. hahaha. we ate and talked and then we left. i said surprise me. so he did. i am a 19 year old loser who has never been to Labrador Park till that night. the stupid barriers prevented us from getting anywhere near the water so we decided to climb. i had a much harder time compared to him. hiking up my dress just to get myself over (i stubbornly refused help of course). we just sat along the boulders talking and POOF a couple of hours went by. absolutely cannot wait to see him again. nice cute guys who think i'm nice and cute are pretty hard to find.

now, saturday. what can i say. i woke up pretty late and had a tad of rushing around to do before heading over to veera's party. i originally wasn't planning on going since, as far as i recall, majority of my horrible secondary school memories somehow involve him being a complete mean ass. i still went though cause i freaking fail at doing things that aren't all that courteous. it was a miracle he invited me so i should be nice no? i ended up having more fun then i expected. there was a part of the night that got me a little bit upset but that's just bad memories deciding to kick me in the stomach. i've also been reminded that there are people who would actually start HORRIBLE rumors just to make someone else feel like so worthless. to think that all these years she had the cheek to blame the guys for starting that shit. TSK. and people wonder why i'm so cautious about having close female friends.

now that the new week has started i'm back to the mundane life that i have. please just let me get some motivation to get the fuck through this year. i have no love for econs tutorials and lectures. stuck with a god damn moron of a teacher who can't teach to save her life. MOE needs to have better screening. yucks. need to pass the subject lah. walau eh. deep breaths. 83 more days. 83. wish me luck! xx.

2011-07-06T23:07:00.002+08:00

Playful, kind, and well-loved, you are The Peach.

For such a warm-hearted, generous person, you’re surprisingly experienced in both love and sex. We credit your spontaneous side; you tend to live in the moment, and you don’t get bogged down by inhibitions like most women your age. If you see something wonderful, you confidently embrace it.

You are a fun flirt and an instant sweetheart, but our guess is you’re becoming more selective about long-term love. It’s getting tougher for you to become permanently attached; and a guy who’s in a different place emotionally might misunderstand your early enthusiasm. You can wreck someone simply by enjoying him.

Your ideal mate is adventurous and giving, like you. But not overly intense.

SOURCE

2011-07-04T03:25:00.003+08:00

seriously quite excited to see this. gotta do a bit of convincing to make IN watch this movie on friday night. a little smile here and there should do the trick. even though it's 2 months late showing here i'm still gonna catch it. my friends overseas were saying it's the chick version of hangover. if they're wrong i will kick their ass. virtually.

i am even more excited to catch part 2 of deathly hallows. disappointed that i can't go for the movie marathon that GV is organising and that i won't be able to watch it till the weekend or the weekend after that but that's life. nothing much i can do except pout. gonna cry like a bitch during the movie. i just know it. they've cut out a shit load of things but the parts that get to me (deaths of favourite characters) when i read the book are bound to still affect me.

i shall update you with the nonsense once i've watched both. if you catch it before me, SHUSH. don't spoilt it for me eh? haha. enjoy your week lovelies.

2011-07-02T15:32:00.002+08:00

you'll be glad to know that the guy i was talking about has been dropped. both of us being away was enough to remind me that i can't deal with a guy like that. the constant attempts of jealousy and games has made me sick enough to not feel anything anymore. sounds like the end of my last relationship. i hate playing games. i'm simple in the way that when i like someone i just do. i can't use reverse psychology to get him. i can only be myself and treat him the way i want to. boys seem to think that games are necessary. till i find someone who doesn't think that way singledom shall be enjoyed.

since we're already on this topic i shall address some of the seriously ridiculous questions/comments that have been left in my formspring lately. i'm not gonna answer them individually. mass answering here.

i have been single for over a year. i still am. yes, i've liked guys since my ex. went on a couple of dates here and there but i haven't committed. either way, even if i do go into a relationship now how does that count as moving on quickly? we have different gauges as to when we're ready to move on. to some it's by years. to others it's about their emotional readiness. i fall under the second category. i have been emotionally ready for quite awhile now. not as quickly as my ex was but that's cause i'm a chick who invests her heart completely. men move on fast. it's normal. no matter who i have liked since, i've a good year to go before i commit again. my committed relationships always have a gap of two years. till then i shall enjoy my singledom and crushing on guys. nothing wrong with getting a little excited and sharing.

if it bothers you that much please don't read my blog. simple enough no? your opinions on my dating life and me in general is unwanted. that is all. now carry on.

2011-06-28T00:38:00.002+08:00

this is why i strongly believe in following my heart and doing what you want when it comes to many things. people will always have something to say. something they don't like about you. you can't please everyone and if you do try you're just gonna end up having regrets.

2011-06-21T05:22:00.001+08:00

off to KL and genting with my two buddies to have a little getaway and hopefully a great time. i need this before i'm back in school next week. first trip with with friends so this is how i'm feeling inside. i say inside cause i'm sleepless and hungry. gonna have that face throughout the trip though. see you guys in 5 days!

2011-06-20T23:18:00.006+08:00

weekend has been madness. went 36 hours without sleeping and was still a hyperactive monkey. saturday saturday. first time i met 3 different groups of people and went to 6 different locations. first i met howe hwee for dinner and drinks. we had dinner at this irish bar that i like to head to and went to timbre for our drinks. boy has timbre changed. it took a good 20 mins for our 2 drinks to arrive and it wasn't even all that crowded. there was no live music. more like no music at all. it took another 20 mins for the bill. worst timbre experience ever.

after i went off to no 5 to meet M. not M as in mark the moron who made my life a living hell. a different M. after about an hour or so of chatting i headed to dbl o to meet A, S and the rest of their friends. two of the guys were insanely cute. pity they're A's friends. the night was going pretty well and then the stupid raid happened. pissed the life outta me. decided to head over to arena with M after while the rest went off to some other club. i won't go into details of what happened but i can tell you this, i should have just gone with my gut feeling. this is not someone i wanna have around as a friend. giving it a little time off before i create some deleting magic. you guys know i'm fantastic at that. overall was an interesting night. tons of firsts.

i got home and managed to sneak in a 3 hour nap before geetha's ROM second cousin from my mother's side to get married. she looked absolutely gorgeous and i just about cried when they were showing the video montage. sap for life eh. it was quite amusing sitting at the same table as my nephew and niece. i think i was paying more attention to them than the ROM itsef. especially my nephew. such a moody kid but he started giggling whenever i made stupid faces. especially the bubble (puff up the cheeks) one. kids apparently think i'm a clown. flattered. i've only got a couple of photos that aren't all that pretty from yesterday but i'll share them anyways.

2011-06-17T06:20:00.000+08:00

"what if the guy you like can't commit? do you hold on or not?"

i have no clue why i'm even asking myself this again. have i not learnt my lesson after my ex and the other guys who couldn't commit? i feel like punching myself in the face. punching him in the face as well.

i don't know how or why i like him despite the way we met and our individual pasts. i'm lying. i know why and i know how. despite how we initially started out, arguing and cutting contact when we were only a couple of weeks into our friendship. it got pretty rude and i remember the mutual agreement that we just couldn't click and found each an other boring. 3 days later we were back to talking. funny how two people who started off calling each an other boring have grown close 3 months later. the day doesn't seem normal without our daily exchange of absolute nonsense. photos exchanged over whatsapp of the most mundane things and things we come across daily.

i've a strong attraction to guys who put on a mask. who seem like complete assholes but are secretly really nice. this my friends, is another one of those guys. i hated his guts at the start cause i only saw that asshole part. but now, i'm actually smiling while typing this. he's an idiot. i love idiots too. there's so many things i like about him. i can pinpoint it here but i don't wanna see more of a sap than i already am.

i've been told that it doesn't make much sense to like a guy who promised himself never to commit again after his ex cheated. i've been told that i should just give up. i get that my friends are concerned but i'm not gonna judge a guy on his past and decisions. i can't say i blame him for saying such a thing after the way his last two relationships ended. it might be insanely stupid to say this but it doesn't matter to me right now. i'm enjoying the friendship, my honesty with him and my singledom.

i'm happy if you're happy. i'm happy as long as you're around. xx.

2011-06-16T06:24:00.000+08:00

2011-06-15T06:52:00.005+08:00

gotta let go for 2 weeks. pouty annabel is pouty. so used to talking to this boy everyday and whining or sharing stupid things with him. he hasn't even got on the plane and i already miss him. baaaaaaaaaaaah. unfunsies. ladies and gentlemen, this is what i'm like when i really like someone. it's horrible and kinda gross. yucks.

2011-06-14T03:12:00.000+08:00

good god have i been gone long. been ages since i last blogged. surprised there are people still checking in on this blog. so i got back from my ODAC trip on thursday night and i've been pretty busy catching up since then. can't believe it's already wednesday.

the trip was so unexpected. i went prepared to get down and dirty. to come back exhausted and craving for good food. no such thing. the camp was quite luxurious. for a camp that is. the bus had huge ass seats. i had enough space to do what i love to do. sleep on my side and curl up into a ball. sorta like ( but smaller. we checked into hotel rooms. hotel 81 standard but still! no cramped tents. aircon. mhmm. and the food was amazeballs compared to normal camp food. almost 6 dishes for our main meals. we even had mac and pizza hut on the last day. pretty different standards taste wise though. the actual activities. hmms. i hoped for more. it was quite mild for my taste. mainly cause we had two days of almost the same thing. only difference was that one was indoor and the other was outdoor.

on the first day, after we got off the 6 hour bus ride, we had our high elements course. fucking hate heights. scares the shit outta me. at least it ain't as bad as it used to be. you know the escalator that's beside this huge ass glass at cineleisure. the one going up to the cinema. yeap. could never look out that. so yes, definitely much better now. back to the story, i was quite scared going into it. mainly worried about the flying fox parts though. the thought of having to jump while i'm that high just scared the life outta me. i had to keep reminding myself not to look down throughout the whole thing. there was this point where i looked down on my way to next flying fox. i was too scared to even move after that. i think i jammed there for a good 5 mins. so glad no one was anywhere near me. and then i just carried on. each time i got nervous i sang a song or focused on a point. it's normal to sing when you're nervous or scared eh. once i was done i just wished for more. still do.

day 2, was the outdoor climbing. i haven't gotten a lot of practice indoors. try the one day i went through just to get my level 1 license. was insanely nervous. and i let it get to me. only managed 2 climbs. was less nervous the second time. then they decided to have lunch and celine and i are the laziest i swear. eat already damn sleepy. then still can sneak in a 20 min nap there cause all the routes that were set up were occupied. by the time we were up it started raining so no more climbing!

they brought us back to the hotel to get ready to head for dinner. this is the point where i say fuck malaysia. everything was insanely flooded when we got off the bus so we had to run back to the hotel in the rain. instead of stepping on the road i did what seemed like a sensible thing i stepped on the pavement. bad move. i fell into the sewage pipe cause the cover was broken. i managed to secure myself just at the right point so i wouldn't fall all the way in and get washed away to god knows where. i knew it was just in time cause the water was already up to my boobs. however, the broken piece of the cover jammed my leg in making it impossible to get out at first. i somehow manage to get out but god was my left leg swollen when i got back to the room. and it hurt like a bitch. i couldn't even put slight pressure on it without cringing. the blood didn't even bother me by then cause all i was thinking was 'FUCK. DOES THIS HURT' i somehow managed to injure my left leg too. wasn't that bad though. no obvious swelling. hurt with pressure. and it left what looked like cat scratched on the top of my leg with slight swelling. but i'm tough. i didn't whine despite it hurting. i was just glad to get back to the room to shower and change. mdm tetty insisted on covering the cuts cause she didn't want it to get infected so i went with it. so glad to have caring and lovely ODAC teachers. the brusing and swelling is till there. gone down significantly cause of the abuse my dad and the chinese medicine massage man inflicted on it though. looks like i'll have more permanent scars on my legs. great.

went out for dinner and to walk around the KL version of ion and got back to the room. even though we had to be up supremely early the next day celine, faye, abby, peggy and i decided to stay up and play cards. we had so much fun. good company makes things so much better. playing cards with them proved that i suck at lying. couldn't even play bluff cause of that. each time it came to my turn i would start giggling, grinning or looking suspicious. i've always been told/known that i'm a bad liar but this really takes the cake. at least they were amused by it. time passed so quickly. by the time the girls left for their room and we finished packing it was 3. then for some strange reason celine and i couldn't sleep despite being exhausted as hell. rubbished till 330. next thing i knew i had to get up. celine is the most amusing person to wake up. she was so zombie-fied when i woke her up. and i think the alarm i set for her rang for 10 mins before she shut it off. funny.

day 3 was dull, mac in the bus. beyond salty. it's like they made the burger and rubbed it with salt before wrapping it up. even the ILT tasted strange. i am not being biased ah! we went to batu caves. we were originally supposed to do adventure caving but they had a fine and had to stop operating that section for a tad so instead we got education caving. didn't enjoy it all that much for one reason. i don't mind climbing though mud and getting dirty in the caves but the moment you tell me there are roaches, snakes and what not inside i will freak the heck out. i'm not brave. at all. i hate insects. faye and i were trying to keep away from the sides to avoid the insects. haha. it's a nice place though. cute and crazy monkeys all over. the hissing ones reminded me of my mama. don't tell her :p after that it was more rock climbing. this time indoors. the place was huge. quite happy i made more progress indoors. especially with bouldering. the right shoes really help.

it was an interesting trip overall. i've been to KL quite a few times but never have i seen drug trafficking, prostitution and a police chase. the trip just made me wish i had a proper camera to caputure the amazing sights and the ruins. $2500 needs to be saved quickly. at least before i hit beautiful places like bali or thailand. excited to be heading back to KL with my buddies next week.

2011-06-06T05:27:00.002+08:00

afkeguhgvshdg. insanely cool. i don't know how to describe this in words. just view it.

2011-06-05T22:01:00.002+08:00

so yesterday i went bra shopping at this new shop i've been dying to go into. the bras are ridiculously priced. try 200 bucks for one except the simple strapless bra which was what i needed. that was the normal price of 70 bucks. i got distracted and decided to try a couple more just for the heck of it. the lady who was serving me had a really hands on method. no. for real. like dipping her hands in my bra to 'adjust' my boobs for me. i'm generally not a big fan of touchy feely random people. and these are my boobs we're talking about. i mean it shocked me. she moved so fast. and making conversation about my boobs and whether i have a bf when her hands are touching me was just weird. guess the hands on thing is the norm in high end places. but really. gosh. *shy look*

on a good note. i freaking finally got a dress for my cousin's ROM. so excited. and the trip to genting + KL with my 2 buddies has been confirmed. overall was a real great saturday. now if my throat infection gets over and done with i'll be supremely happy. don't wanna have to go for ODAC camp while being sick. yucks.

2011-06-04T04:31:00.002+08:00

this is way too cute for me not to share. all hope is not lost of the male kind. i think it's incredicly sweet but that's a shit load of money to spend on top of the cost for the sexy ring. oh well. made her so happy. and you know i teared up being the sap that i am. sapforlife.

2011-06-03T16:50:00.003+08:00

if you guys have been reading my blog long enough you know i tend to overload with videos when SYTYCD starts with a new season. yeap. auditions have started so here's the first one of the many that will come soon enough. lady is talented, humble and quite adorable. i like it when i get good shivers. good shivers kinda audition from her. enjoy this and your friday!

2011-06-03T04:45:00.002+08:00

i love it when guys ask me out on a date despite being attached. when i call them on their shit the answer is usually 'it's an open relationship' or 'we're breaking up soon'. excuse me but do i look like someone who would be fine with being the other woman? hell no.

1. i don't get the concept of an open r/s. especially one that has been going on for months. you're just being a pussy. admit you have feelings, trust the other person and call it what it is. a RELATIONSHIP. only thing an open r/s shows is your stupidity and lack of trust. the end.

2. if you're about to break up then ask me out after. like way after your single status. you can't be looking for a substitute for your partner while you're still attached.

3. if your gf is fine with you looking for someone else despite being together then get her to call me. if not, shut it. either way, i'm not planning on ending up with a polygamous r/s. not how i roll.

it's men like these that make me lose faith in the male species as a whole. is it that difficult to find people who can commit. good god do i meet some stupid ass guys. wait. not some. 98% of men i meet. and now we all know why i'm single.

happy/sad? single/seeing some? bitchy/nice? friendly/unfriendly?

2011-06-02T04:45:00.001+08:00

i'm a mix of happy and sad. balanced amount. can a person be fully happy all the time?

single. no complains there. i like someone but it's not gonna work out. ever. just can't stay away from the sagi man can i.

both. i'm nice most of the time. i'm bitchy when the person needs or deserves it. i refuse to sugar coat things so people who can't deal with it label me as a bitch.

hah. friendly. my shyness when i initially meet people is labelled as unfriendly or arrogant. i've got the bitch face syndrome. it is what it is.

thank you for your straight to the point, curious but rather incomplete question.

xx,
annabel.

ask/tell me anything (=

2011-06-02T04:29:00.002+08:00

it's okay to let people in. to show them how broken you really are. always having to keep yourself together is hard work. there are days when you just want to break down and cry. curl up in bed and stay there. it's okay to talk to someone when you feel that way. it took me quite awhile to realize that i can't keep secrets from everyone. that there are people who you can trust. there are less than 4 people who know every detail about me. they know the real me so all of the above doesn't apply. most of it does. it's really okay to share the burden of life's horrible moments sometimes. gotta keep that in mind.

2011-05-31T02:13:00.005+08:00

the weekend has drained me. no idea why i've been this tired. must be the sleep. body isn't used to getting in more than a couple of hours. i went out on saturday to find a dress for my cousin's ROM. i was originally planning on getting a purple dress for the theme but everyone is pretty much gonna go with a purple outfit so i switched to purple heels. instead of buying ONE dress like i had originally planned, i bought 3. along with 2 heels. i can only wear the heels for the ROM. trench coat and heels? i'll pull something together soon enough. finding an outfit around my heels is gonna be much harder. genius move. no regrets though. sexy heels are sexy. mhmm.
i was done fairly quickly so we went to chill at starbucks. ion's starbucks card system wasn't working. you know the starbucks version of an ezlink card but with benefits (not sexual you douche). yes. a guy threw a huge fuss saying starbucks was cheating him of his benefits. good god. it's not working. stfu and stop holding up the queue was all i could think of despite understanding where he was coming from. there is really no need to ever raise your voice to people in the service industry. i have no idea how his lady and friends dealt with it. would not be happy if my bf/friend was yelling that loudly in public.

finally managed to get our drinks and sit down. in the time it took me to get in the queue and out apparently this adorable guy and his friend has sat at the table infront of us. gosh. adorable guy was mixed and talking to his friend in chinese. the kinda chinese that shows it's not close to being his second language. adorable guy speaking in chinese just to make sure i won't understand the compliment was even more amusing. i did make sure to say thank you and smile before i left though. mama taught me manners. anyways, photos of my heels! must must. i like how my legs look in the brown ones and the last photos was closest to representing that. i'm wearing shorts even though it doesn't look like it. haha. be nice even if you don't like the heels!

2011-05-28T04:04:00.003+08:00

yesterday started out horribly and i was in a nasty mood cause nothing was going right. had to drag my ass all the way to ICA and then wait for what seemed like freaking forever (1.5 hours is long mind you). then the annoying ass kid behind me kept running around and kicking my chair. it's times like this when i can't stand certain foreigners.

went to meet a friend for dinner and drinks after that. i had a great time just laughing, joking, talking about everything and just being us. went to watch insidious after drinks and dinner. the movie was dull but good sound events. the loud sounds made me jump quite a fair bit. didn't help that the idiot kep saying boo. and i have no idea how he was so calm and collective throughout the whole movie.

after today it's gonna be pretty hard to ignore what i've been feeling for awhile. i love lying to myself but yeap not possible anymore. i haven't felt butterflies since my ex. and this guy making me feel butterflies? not a good thing. ugh! tough tough. nvm. just gonna sleep and wait till my godbrother is up to whine. hehe. nanight everyone!

2011-05-27T14:24:00.001+08:00

i'm still amused by this. if you haven't watched it already you should. enjoy your friday lovelies!

2011-05-21T19:32:00.002+08:00

i should be upset, angry or at least feeling something. i'm not even surprised. it's like i knew this was coming. hmms. i decided today that i'd skip the bali trip but after this maybe not. i don't know. i need to take a breather and get some space.

on another note. i am lucky enough to have great friends. the guy i thought was a huge jerk last year is now a close friend i can count on. someone i love and care about. clearly proves that you should never judge someone based on what people say or initial impressions. yet another time i'm gonna have to rely on friends again. not regarding the first half of this post. just shit in general. oh well.

2011-05-18T02:33:00.003+08:00

the future is scary but you can't just run back to the past because it's familiar. yes, it's tempting but it's a mistake. - HIMYM

this really ought to be the motto for my life. i love running back to my past but once i'm over it never will i turn back. just like now. bahahaha. speaking of past. my ex, from ages ago, has decided to gimme a break and finally disappear. honestly don't appreciate guys who bug me all over fb and then use various numbers to call/text me. i mean really? do you not have anything better to do. and how is doing that supposed to want me to give you another chance. makes me want to punch you in the face. i'm itching to diss him but i shall not. just hopeful that this is really it from him. if he decides to start showing up outside my house again someone has to take me in.

busy annabel is busy trying not to die from stress and work overload. exhausted enough to type work overload as workoverload. a week. exams will only be a week long. longest week of my life though. so glad also, i really really want to share updates with you guys but i'm worried i'll jinx it. somehow when i start putting things on my blog it gets ruined. so not sharing this just yet. i will say this though. puddled heart. not in the literal sense. if you still don't get it, do enough snooping around my fb and you might understand the meaning of puddled heart. toodles my lovelies. gonna head off. hopefully to sleep.

2011-05-14T04:12:00.000+08:00

big decisions/realizations in may. this happens like clockwork though. not even sure why i'm surprised. mainly 2 here.

1. friendships should be no means come with rules. you don't get to say 'we can be friends again if you ...' no. just no. there are limits to caring about a person. forcing your views and ways on them doesn't constitute as being caring. to me anyways. you say you put yourself in my shoes and know what i'm going through. but do you really? doesn't seem that way to me. you ignored me the entire week and treated me like i wasn't even there only explaining to me later that you needed to get rid of your anger. then why didn't you let me do the same when i said i'm not ready to resume our friendship just yet? i felt insanely guilty till monday. monday was the last straw. now i'm over it. i can be civil but i don't know if friendship's a good idea if i always have to conform to your ways.

2. having another blog to vent and let out my feelings about my ex was possibly the best suggestion i could have gotten from one of my buddies. it traced my progress and i'm finally deleting it off. realizing that i've reached the stage where there's no anger, animosity, etc. just peace is such a good feeling.

2011-05-09T23:58:00.003+08:00

introducing new people for a bit. this is 'little eye' from glasgow. even if britney spears ain't really your cup of tea you might want to give the original a quick listen before listening to this. i don't know how i'm gonna listen to the original without cringing. the cover is really pretty good. and i'm not just saying that cause i find the lead singer and his accent ridiculously sexy. like wanna jump his bones sexy. mhmm. ignore me. just go and listen to it. and you can check out their youtube page if you like. original music and a rock cover of firework's there.

2011-05-08T04:40:00.001+08:00

General Elections 2011

after weeks and weeks it's finally over. why is anyone even surprised that PAP's still has majority of the seats. i expected a closer fight though. i'm surprised that they won by so many seats. in some GRCs it was ridiculous how much difference there was. it's beyond me how ridiculous some singaporeans are. all they do is complain about rising prices, new measures, basically everything but when there's a chance for change they just decided to stick with what they're comfortable with? you have got to be kidding me. to those who voted PAP thank you for dragging the rest of us down with you. the next 5 years are gonna be hell. i can bet you on that. do you honestly thing PAP's gonna let you guys keep the money they gave out? PFFT. watch as they collect everything back. rising GSTs, costs of flats, ERP cost, COEs. this is gonna be so fun!

i'm not at all surprised that PAP took my area. i'm more disappointed though. disappointed that i belong to an area where they won not cause of their capabilities but cause of the low blow that V.B took. i had so much respect for this man for as long as i can remember. never did i expect him to use the anti-gay method to get their way in. this GRC is filled with people who are old, anti-gay and who give in to fear. we have A LOT of anti-gays here. very smart move.

i'm frustrated at the number of rejected votes. i wonder how many of those were done on purpose. honestly, how difficult is it to draw a 'X' in the designated area. i think the only people who are incapable of doing that are kids who are still in nursery. hmms. do we need practice lessons for singaporeans on how to put a 'X' in the box before our next elections? maybe just for certain areas. like marine parade grc. 3000 rejected votes? fuck you. really. you have no idea how many youths were dying of frustration at our inability to vote and there the fuckers go throwing their votes away. did you draw hearts and kisses in the boxes instead? it better have been some amazing art work for you to have wasted that vote. not being able to decide isn't an excuse either. you have to make life decisions all the time. so why can't you just do it now. retards.

i'm glad that WP managed to secure at least 6 seats. WP really deserved the aljunied win. even though i live no where close to their area i've been following it carefully. these guys are so humble. if you haven't seen the photo of them sitting in the lorry instead of just blaring recorded shit on megaphones then you need to google it. if you were watching CNA just now you would have noticed that after each set of results they showed the address from the winning party. HOWEVER, after WP's victory in aljunied they went straight to PAP's address. even after their victory they don't get their say. how in the world are these 6 people gonna get their say when 81 others are against them. i'm worried that their voices won't be heard. that the 6 isn't going to be enough for any positive change to happen in the next 5 years.

no matter what has happened, i really am looking forward to the next elections. by 2016 a lot of the older generation will be dead. i know that's a mean thing to say but i'm stating the facts here. and the older generation are the ones that PAP mainly got their votes from. fear will still be around but more of us youths get to vote. the youths who were fiercely supporting the opposition. change takes time and i hope they know that this is just the start. 2016 bitches. see you then.

2011-05-03T02:15:00.014+08:00

so i realized that i rarely, like once in a purple moon rarely, post pictures of my face here. so here you go. pictures of my face all up in your face. i even posted different varities. my favourite of course being the goofy one. hehe. doesn't matter if you guys like it or not. kinda too awesome to care :p

2011-05-01T23:36:00.002+08:00

oh hi may. you're here relatively fast. this also means my exams are in less than 3 weeks. how i hate you may. i might hate you but i kinda love today. i woke up insanely early despite clubbing last night. and getting way too drunk. second time so shut it. i woke up at 830am. i actually woke up that early on a weekend. haha. i lazed around and rotted my day away before i had to head down to serangoon gardens.

i was a good half an hour early so i got down at this park that i always pass by on my way there. i can't truly put in words how lovely the place is and the pictures i took do absolutely no justice to it. i just sat there for 30 mins reading and i left feeling so much better. happier. it's the simple things in life that really matter if you ask me. i can't understand why some girls fuss over how they need a gorgeous guy with money to bring them to fabulous places. it's nice and all but i wouldn't be happy with that. fabulous places i could do with once in awhile but i would be happier sitting at a lovely park like this and just chatting or going on the swings. does that make me retarded? hmms. i only took 4 photos with my BB. no point taking tons of crappy photos of such a lovely place. it's what i like so shush if you don't like it. different people different likings eh?

kinda miss sitting there looking at the photos. i'm holding onto that amazing feeling to get me through a couple of things. it's even my wallpaper. hehe. anyways, after finishing up there i went to meet my godbrother at NEX. damn is it big. we watched 'arthur' and i had a good laugh. we then ran into the person i was talking about in my post from thursday. funny. i had more laughs seeing the ridiculousness of his behaviour. i'm gonna get some sleep cause i'll be spending tomorrow at climb asia. insanely lazy but excited. nanight loves!

2011-04-28T01:00:00.002+08:00

FACT : i'm actually following the election news. constantly. it's been awhile since anything interesting happened here to be honest. i'm amazed at the cheap shots and arrogance to honest. whateves. i don't get to vote anyways. i seriously doubt there willbe any changes but lets see.

NOTE : it is none of your fucking business if i club or who i club with. my dad knows where i go, who i go with and isn't complaining so please do not use the fact that i'm an army officer's daughter to bitch and whine. i would also appreciate it if you stop stalking me on my social media sites it's creepy especially since i recall deleting you ages ago. blocking you would be pointless cause you'll just view it through someone else's account. namely a little skank who will be bitch slapped by me if she tries anything. you do not want to drag my name and me into this situation. i'm already pissed off enough at what you guys are doing so attacking me after doing that. not a good idea. trust me. neither of you know me well enough to know my temper. i have no tolerance when it comes to stupidity and immaturity. i will smack you hard enough to make you forget your own name if you pull any stunts. comprehend?

i came here to type something important but i'm too tired to even keep my eyes open so i shall go off. and no, i'm not angry. i'm extremely amused and disgusted. still the happy me here. haha. nanight guys. long weekend's so close!

2011-04-26T00:04:00.000+08:00

love is passion, obsession, someone you can't live without. i say fall head over heels, find someone you can love crazy and who will love you the same way back. how do you find him? well, you forget your head and you listen to your heart. because, the truth is there is no sense living your life without this. to make the journey and not fall deeply in love- well, you haven;t lived a life at all. but you have to try, because if you haven't tried, you haven't lived. — Meet Joe Black

2011-04-26T00:01:00.002+08:00

just look at those divine heels. louboutins in pink. just the pink i want. sex sex sex. lets not forget the toned legs. one day.

2011-04-25T00:55:00.003+08:00

and the long weekend is gone! i'm sad. sad that i have to drag my ass back to school tomorrow. i seriously don't want to. i mean who would? the long weekend seemed longer than 3 days. friday was complete utter shit. nothing good about good friday for me. everything seemed to go wrong and i couldn't find a single shit. speaking of which, still haven't found what i was looking for.

saturday was exhausting. having to run around from here to serangoon garden, to little india, to home, and then to dbl o. i had a great time though. i laughed a lot in the afternoon. glad to know i amuse D with my selective hearing and confusion. told you guys i'm a goofball. haha. and the night was good cause i went with no expectations. people weren't as friendly as those in zirca or arena but fine by me. was a tad shocked to run into half the world there especially some people that i didn't want to see. learnt to fuck care and just had fun. got to dance with my god brother and his friends. i am a lucky lucky girl to have had A and S there to have my back yesterday. like i always say, my love life might suck huge balls but my friendships are amazing.

i cannot wait for next weekend. another long weekend baby! i'm clubbing on sat. last one till exams are over so i need to look divine and have the time of my life. i have a very bad feeling that something will go wrong though. woman's intuition? drop me a message if anyone wants to tag along. my friends are friendly. haha. (:

now is time i head to bed or attempt to. please let this week be one without drama. gonna get through this week with 'top of the world' on repeat. hope everyone deals well with the weekly blues. we all know how slowly days pass just before a long weekend. bisous!

2011-04-22T02:30:00.000+08:00

i'm so insanely glad that the school week is officially over. so much drama for 4 days of school. i can't stand it when people form cliques and then forget about everyone apart from those in their cliques. especially when it's in such a teeny tiny class. ridiculous. i've been so patient but lost it and made my opinions very clear this week. more cause i don't appreciate seeing my friends upset. whatever. gonna leave it at this. i'm not going into it cause in the end it really boils down to maturity and the ability to put yourself in someone else's shoes. everyone should learn to just hash it out. refuse to be stuck in the middle.

and it is NOT alright for you to only give the answers for tutorials to those in your clique and 'forget' about the rest. don't say 'too bad' when i tell you we don't have it either. if my temper was as bad as last year i would have slapped you right there. moving on.

also, just to answer a few questions, i wasn't talking about anyone i'm dating in my previous post. it was more of a guy making his own presumptions and then getting pissed cause i wasn't seeing it his way. i was then told to sleep on it and call him the next day cause i would change my mind about the situation. now i'm more amused by the immaturity than pissed at the tone, rudeness and general conversation. i'm so glad i won't have to deal with him for at least 20 days. after that he should have enough sense to disappear.

i'm finally not sick this week. still recovering but feeling ten times better. body's surviving without the meds. now to withdraw from the vitagen and see if my stomach can take this. appetite is extremely shitty. not good when i love food so much. glad i won't have to put off the 2 kg i lost while being sick though. no idea where it came from. must be my 10kg ass. hahaha. gonna have to do quite a fair bit of bargaining if i wanna club or get drinks over the long weekend. my mother seems to blame my nights out for me being this sick. rubbish.

i am very thankful though. over the whole period of being sick i've realized who will most definitely have my back when shit gets rough. the sickness gave me a lot of time to reminiscence and drive myself crazy over my past. we all know what happens when that happens. it would always explain a few of my posts from last week. was it only one? too lazy to check. i'm happy though. happier than i'm leading on. just bad days getting to me.

so my lovelies here's me hoping you guys enjoy your long weekend and that i do too. bisous.

2011-04-20T00:27:00.002+08:00

putting everything in bullet points cause i don't have the energy to elaborate.

emotionally confused and trying to straighten things out is straining a few ties

i hate it when men go on and on about themselves like they're all that. bullshit.

don't over react when i'm simply trying to state something

over reacting and then telling me idk what i'm talking about will piss me off.

UGH. JUST ANNOYED.

sagi men and i have issues. attracted to them but it backfires. always.

mind and heart's all over the place

need to get more sleep ASAP!

fuck this shit.

What rule do you find yourself always breaking?

2011-04-19T01:53:00.001+08:00

the rule to never get my emotions involved. fails time and time again.

ask/tell me anything (=

2011-04-17T02:04:00.002+08:00

i miss you. sometimes i just wish you knew how much. it's not that difficult to reach out but you never will. i still haven't accepted that.

2011-04-16T00:59:00.002+08:00

been in desperate need of a good laugh lately. extremely blessed to know amazing people who send me funny things just to see me laugh. i'm gonna share cause funny shit it always worth sharing. two videos. pick one. watch both. don't watch. whatevs.

2011-04-15T17:22:00.002+08:00

this year i've been extremely blessed to get a amazingly patient, understanding form teacher. NOT. this woman is ridiculous. i love how she makes comments with no basis for her argument. the moment she doesn't get her way she gets mad. are you a child?! the best part is making a racist statement in a lecture and not getting why people are making so much noise. jesus. retarded and a child. that day during her civics lesson she made it a point to mention that some of us in the class have already become the queen of MCs despite being this early in the year. obviously aiming me and my fellow classmate. firstly, where's my crown bitch. if you're labelling me a queen i think i deserve a crown! i'm more of a silver person. gold would clash with my outfits and uniform. take note won't you. i made a point to share her comment with my mother when i got home. my mother's fabulous. she told me that the next time i throw up i should save it in a bottle and show my teacher so she wouldn't imply that i'm faking my sickness. she's even said that we're buying MCs. i firstly have no idea how to do that. yeah. kinda stupid that way. my mother has said that she really should ask the teacher which doctor's MC the teacher will believe if she thinks i'm faking it. my ma > your ma. always. now i know where i get my attitude and sarcasm from. love her. really. making me laugh so hard. haha. i find it even more funny that out of 23 people only 5 people's parents are heading to see the teacher tomorrow. if i get stuck with her next time i'm gonna freak out. so thankful she's not taking me for PW. poor rest of the class.

2011-04-13T00:15:00.002+08:00

i hate being reminded of where my heart is. especially when there's nothing i can do about it. why must a million thoughts run through my mind when i'm sick. i'm wondering how hard it must have been on you when i was sick last year. i'm yet again thankful for all the affection and care you showed. i haven't been defeated by a day in awhile. i just wanna curl up and cry. sick me has no energy and definitely has her defences down. i'm tired. i'm just done dealing with this week in general. admitting defeat and heading to bed.

2011-04-08T22:50:00.002+08:00

sick again. it's honestly getting pretty ridiculous if you ask me. kinda worried i might end up in the same situation as i was in last year. thursday night my fever started. 40 degrees fever, flu, throat infection, body aches, lack of appetite. even when i eat i'm always so close to puking. seriously sucks. i hate that i'm wasting another weekend being sick. oh well. think i should head back to bed before the meds wear off. also, i got an A for pw. insanely shocked since i was only aiming for a C. i don't think i'll believe it till i see the cert.

you think you're all that don't you?

2011-04-03T19:58:00.001+08:00

nope. i think i'm all that and more. if that was an attempt at hurting my feelings you need to try way harder.

ask/tell me anything (=

2011-04-02T19:14:00.003+08:00

my voice has been the same for the past few years. it always sounds so weird to me. which is why i never leave voice mails when i call someone. this year, a few of my new friends pointed out that i've a sexy voice and i just shook it off. firstly cause i suck at dealing with compliments. secondly cause i don't agree with them. recently, my date surprised me by agreeing with them. ROAR!

i wonder what they hear that i don't. but then again maybe we can't trust my date cause he thinks i'm pretty. shy lah i! cute can. pretty seems like pushing it. whatever. i'm still fly cause i work with what i have.

okay. enough of my ego boost. heading out! need to go town and pay 'made with love' a visit. hopefully i'll be able to catch 'morning glory' or 'hop'. excited for my calm weekend. bisous my loves.

2011-04-02T04:43:00.000+08:00

2011-04-01T23:58:00.001+08:00

the week has been beyond horrible.

my BB decided to be a complete bitch and erased clean my entire memory. it's like i have a new phone. i reset everything and gathered as many of the contacts that as i could. just when i was about to head to bed at 3. BOOM. again. memory gone. was much quicker replacing everything since i just 'practiced' before. really not funny. also, this is why i will be asking everyone who they are whenever i receive a text or a whatsapp message. don't mind me. it would be much better if you just texted me your number again though. apart from there week was just drama central.

didn't go to school today cause i got hit with food poisoning from the food in school. can't believe that's one less shop i get to eat at. damn it. but i'm so glad that i capped off today meeting AA. was such a good de-stresser cause i got to laugh so much and just chill the heck out.

it's getting harder to keep my spirits up as i'm slowly crumbling under the work but i refuse to admit defeat that quickly. so what if i'm gonna fail my first maths and chem test. i need more practice. i need to learn how to use my time carefully instead of crashing the moment i get home. i need to fight fight fight. ROAAAAAAAAAAAAAR! just had to add that for extra boost.

still gonna say, bring it 2011. you're not defeating me just yet.

2011-03-27T03:05:00.002+08:00

i know someone who constantly complains of headaches. the first few times i felt bad. after 10412849814 times and months of the person saying this it took a lot for me not to say this. i'm a bitch. whatever. if you overly whine about something i will be mean. i will be even more horrible if there are signs of it being fake. being need to shut up and stop being so god damn dramatic. *rolls eyes*

2011-03-26T04:42:00.006+08:00

it's incredibly frustrating when someone has your heart and they don't even know it. i would give a lot to sit across him and tell him how i feel. to tell him that there isn't a day that goes by that i don't miss him. tell him that in the stupidest, most enjoyable, retarded moments of my life i wish he was there. i wanna hold his hand. hug him. kiss him. mess his hair. i hate having to be patient and waiting for things to fall into place. there are so many things i wanna do, say, share but i keep reminding myself that if it's in the cards of my life it'll play out and if it isn't that it's just something i have to deal with.

on a side note, a couple of days ago L pointed out that it hasn't been that long since i cut off all physical and emotional contact from my ex. to me it seems like we haven't spoken in such a long time. it's like a few years have passed or at least over a year. hmms. is that weird? i don't really think so. still think it's a pity that all forms of communication have ceased. oh well, life must go on.

2011-03-26T02:52:00.002+08:00

been rather obsessed with adele's rolling in the deep since i heard it a few weeks ago. when my friend sent me this link in my tumblr ask asking me to go and listen you sure bet i did. firstly, it's john legend. he seriously is the epitome of sex (tying with justin timberlake of course). i absolutely love his voice. secondly, i wanted to see how good a job he did covering a great song. it was honestly so damn good. it makes me want to catch him even more when he's down here next month. ugh. for now i shall just over indulge in this song. for those people who follow me on the music blog, sorry for posting it there and here. just had to share. hehe. enjoy!

2011-03-24T01:18:00.002+08:00

i'm sick. again. i was just sick at the start of the month and here we go again. stupid damn immune system. so annoying. i sound like some kinda pervy rapist and i'm sniffling and coughing. bah. i say this very often but i hate being sick. especially when i have school. i just want to cuddle in my bed, have someone tuck me in and bring me comfort food.

i'm getting my ass to bed by 130. complete 2 hours before the time i usually head to bed. not a good sign. tons of naps, a lot of water, lack of appetite, etc. but i never lose weight when i'm sick. unfair.

if everything goes as planned and i get better saturday night's supposed to be pretty eventful. if i don't, i'm gonna have to disappoint dee when we've been talking about this the entire week. just great.

school's the same boring shit. not gonna bore you by sharing lame ass updates. nanight everyone. xoxo.

2011-03-22T23:00:00.000+08:00

i noticed something very strange about my dog today. i've never been able to put the pattern together but today i got it.

my dog is always friendly to people i like/love. if you're my friend or best friend he'll want you to cuddle with him and bug you 24/7 if you don't. now, if someone likes me as more than a friend or loves me and the feeling is mutual on my part it'll be a completely different treatment. my dog will be very very bitchy and noisy. he won't keep his mouth shut. constant interaction with this person is the only thing that can solve this. how did i confirm it?

D came over to help me out with my work. i've been driving myself crazy confused over everything so it was a little perk me up. just like last week. the past two times my dog has acted like a complete bitch. D couldn't even go near. before the past two weeks they were the best of buddies. over the last two weeks things have changed a tad between us. they're heading more in a territory that i wouldn't complain about. who would have thought my dog would sense such a change. hmms.

goes to show. animals are always smarter than you think. need to use my dog as a scanner the next time someone says they like me and i feel the same. it really would save me a lot of time.

2011-03-21T18:01:00.003+08:00

so this was pretty much how my friday and saturday night went. i went to zouk on friday. arena on saturday. i think it was exactly what i needed. i cannot believe how much fun i had. getting hit on, flirting, dancing and exchanging numbers with cute guys is definitely something i could do on a regular basis. always such an ego boost. i gotta admit that zouk isn't really my scene though. maybe i need to give it another shot. arena was beyond fantastic. the live band was kick ass. high 5s, winks and getting to sing in the mike a few times was so funsies. people there are actually nice enough to tell you you're doing a good job on the dance floor. love love. there were two guys i was eyeing at arena. i can't help but wonder if they're regulars there.

i need to mention that it was BEYOND hilarious to see two wild boars grinding on the dance floor. if i thought the couples at zouk were bad arena was just plain hilarious. the guy's face like some toilet bowl then still wanna grind with an equally toilet bowl looking girl. i shouldn't say grind though. they were practically getting it on on the dance floor. funny thing is she didn't go with him. she lied that she was with her friends and had to meet there. lied cause i saw her mia for a tad and then head out to find another guy. guess he wasn't good enough for her? haha.

ANYWAYS, those two days made me realize something. i'm done waiting for something that's not going to happen. i've always lived my life for myself and the way i wanted to so why am i acting differently now. you fucked me over. you shattered my heart into a million pieces and proceeded to crush it to dust with all your lies after. nothing's there to hold me back anymore. i'm going all out to achieve whatever i want. i'm striking a balance between every aspect. here i come, life.

2011-03-16T19:20:00.000+08:00

back from camp bitches! i seriously wish i could write a long ass post like i did after i came back from camp last year but it really was nothing much. i did a lot of thinking over the past 2 days. i'm back with so many bites but no scars. my wrist and ankle hurts quite a fair bit. i think i knocked my hand on a log during the obstacle course but it's not broken so i'm not too worried. just need to rub it out soon.

it was incredibly irritating to be led by student leaders during this camp cause it's too fucking early. i don't know about the other houses but sagi's leaders sucked huge balls. no communication. conflicting instructions. i could go on. it's too early to pick leaders. majority of the leaders were selected on their inability to keep their mouths shut. so many attention seekers and people who are more concerned with being in the spotlight than making sure the house was united. i'm of course excluding leaders from the student council here. that's another flaw i won't get into right now. i'm gonna end my short rant here by saying, whoopdeedoo. looks like we get another year of shitty house exco members. so excited.

the major highlight of the camp for me was getting to hang out more with the ladies from my class. i never thought i would be thankful that i'm doing my first year again. if i wasn't i wouldn't have gotten to know such people. my mood was made so much better because of them. extra love for tash, mus, alicia and farlyanna. i'm a lucky girl.

2011-03-13T23:56:00.002+08:00

leaving for camp in a couple of hours. 4 hour bus journey back and forth is gonna kill my already aching back. there's still a lot on my mind and i doubt going away is gonna get rid of it. if only i could leave all my thoughts in singapore but my thoughts don't act like a gift that i can lock up and keep in a secret closet.

i feel like i've packed too much but i'm still missing something. idk what it is. doubt i'll figure it out till i'm there. maybe it's just that i'm worrying too much. hehehe. i honestly don't see how this year's camp can beat last years. last year was fantastic. so many people i love are in my house. this year my house just has a lot of idiots. to those i love, not talking about you. hehehe. just gonna head for the camp without any expectations. you can't really be disappointed without expecting anything right?

one thing i'm glad about this year though, i don't have to worry that my relationship will fall apart because of the camp.

till thursday, take care lovelies! (:

2011-03-11T22:56:00.002+08:00

my emotions are all over the place today. i started out with a rather good day but since the trek ended i knew this was coming. the end point of the trek was seletar reservoir. before things went bad he promised me that one day he'd bring me there cause i'd love it. he was right. i loved it. the whole place was breath taking. it's a tad ironic that he knew me that well yet we ended up where we are now.

apart from that, today was the first ODAC event. i expected to have more difficulties but it wasn't that bad. i loved seeing the monkeys and the amazing scenery. we even saw a couple shooting their wedding shots. can't wait till the next event. mdm tetty said they're just postponing the trek from IJC to bukit timah but i seriously hope we'll never have to go that far. it would be a complete killer.

i would love to say more but i'm just gonna head to bed. rest. need it. off to camp on monday. i doubt it can beat last year but we'll see.

would you date anyone from your school?

2011-03-11T00:57:00.001+08:00

awkward question but i'll answer it.

from j1 there are a couple of people i would consider getting to know just cause they seem nice and are so darn cute. i doubt it'll ever progress to a proper dating stage but i would give it a shot if i got the chance.

from j2. hmms. i would date one person. just a good feeling that there's something there. i would never have the balls to admit it till i have a clear indication but yea. one guy.

ask/tell me anything (=

2011-03-11T00:48:00.000+08:00

tired. i laugh when i'm tired. stressed. i laugh when i'm stressed. angry. i avoid when i'm angry.

i've done all three in excess this week. i hate finding out the true colours of people. hate having to deal with immaturity. you're in jc. grow the fuck up. really. it's not okay to behave like that after sec 2.

tired cause the week has just been slooooooow. on monday itself it felt like a whole week had passed. i wouldn't have gotten through today if i didn't have maroon 5 and a couple of awesome people to make me smile. just a bad day.

stressed cause i'm behind in maths. fucking dying in graphs. i've never been able to do graphs. it's just so annoying. shift here shift there. draw this draw that. go awaaaaaaaay. still got part one and two. annoying-er. even more stressed cause i've been trying to shake someone off. i have absolutely no interest in dating this person. i did. just not anymore. i made a mistake of agreeing on a date while we were on the phone. see. i'm horrible at lying. if you can hear my voice or see my face i can't lie. even in textes if you're careful enough you'll realize i can't lie. i kinda suck in this department. i don't have to heart to blatantly say that i don't wanna go on that date anymore. each time i get a text or missed call i quickly try to shorten the conversation. yesterday was an exception. i needed to be there for the person. i just hope things fade in a few weeks. lets hope the camp will benefit me instead of making this person miss me more.

the camp. i'm not really looking forward to it. for a couple of reasons. my holiday is only a week long and already 3 days are gone. that doesn't leave a lot of done to get anything done. this camp reminds me of my camp last year. it was a huge turning point and i lost half of the battle over those few days. i just feel weird thinking back. memories aren't that easy to block out unlike my feelings. hmms. the last reason i'm not gonna list till i get back for specific reasons.

i think i should get some rest. i'm thinking too much right now. till next time, toodles.

youngest & oldest you'd date?

2011-03-09T01:57:00.001+08:00

a few years younger and max 10 years older. that's the oldest my ma would be fine with and i agree with her. the few years younger only applies if he's mature enough and we click. obviously.

ask/tell me anything (=